Members DCMusic Posted April 8, 2013 Members Share Posted April 8, 2013 I've had quite a good response for this song when I've sung it, but that's mainly from people who know me, or perhaps aren't so objective, so I'd like my songs to be listened to by people who have more experience. I'm after opinions on the structure of the song and how it gets it's message across or not and what I can do to improve that.I'm really thankful for any tips and reviews good or bad,honestly!! than me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted April 8, 2013 Members Share Posted April 8, 2013 Can you post the lyrics, please? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DCMusic Posted April 8, 2013 Author Members Share Posted April 8, 2013 Here we go; All I wanted was standing right there, I wasWearing a dress with a flower in my hair and all I needed wasTo hear three words from you, I've never heard from you,but in my dreams,You take my hand and we start to dance and everything feels so rightYou say I love you, I love you too,But I only get to love you in my dreams And all I'm thinking, well you're hand in hand with her, I wish I could be herI'm going crazy, but in my time,but I love you in so many ways so I keep quietBut in my head, you close your eyes, press your lips on mine andAll else fades away, you say I love you,I love you tooBut I only get to love you in my dreams And all my dreams are full of colour as you put your hand in mineAnd we dance around in darkness until the morning lightAnd in my dreams you kiss me softly with your fingers in my hairAnd then I wake in morning just to find that you're not there But In my dreams,in my dreams in my dreamsYou take my hand and we start to dance and everything feels so rightYou close your eyes, press your lips on mine and all else fades awayYou come on closer and in my ear you whisper three simple wordsYou say I love you,I love you tooBut I only get to love you in my dreams Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 8, 2013 Moderators Share Posted April 8, 2013 deleted, cross post ^ ^ ^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted April 8, 2013 Members Share Posted April 8, 2013 It is absolutely lovely. I agree with everyone else about the vocal performance and IMO it comes down to breathing space. The words are clustered so tightly that you have not time to get a full breath until the breaks. Going through the lyrics, it seems like some small tweaks to get rid of "with/and/but" type words would do wonders. For instance, the first verse could be: All I wanted was standing right there, I wasWearing a dress, with a flower in my hair and I only needed wasTo hear three words from you, just three words from you, but in my dreams,You take my hand and we start to dance and everything feels so rightYou say I love you, I love you too,But I only get to love you in my dreams Try that and if you like it, I'll go through the other verses. The other thing is that fpr me the bridge doesn't pop enough. I'm assuming this stanza is the bridge: And all my dreams are full of colour as you put your hand in mineAnd we dance around in darkness until the morning lightAnd in my dreams you kiss me softly with your fingers in my hairAnd then I wake in morning just to find that you're not there I don't think it needs a melodic change, just more oomph in the performance. Sell me that you are living your deepest desire in those moments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted April 8, 2013 Members Share Posted April 8, 2013 I agree with what everybody else is saying about clearer enunciation of words. You have a terrific voice and I was very surprised when you started speaking and your accent revealed you to be a Brit!You sing with such a strong American accent that I automatically took you to be one. Is this what you want to build your singing career on? I'd love to hear you sing in your own voice without affecting the American accent. Authenticity is always my personal preference, but others may disagree.Otherwise, I think your songwriting is very good for a beginner and your voice control and expression, excellent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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