Moderators Lee Knight Posted May 29, 2013 Moderators Share Posted May 29, 2013 Updated lyric idea V2 and 3: V1Stephen HawkingDreamt he was rocking out in his garageHe was standing tallA Telecaster and an amplifier, that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted May 29, 2013 Members Share Posted May 29, 2013 I really like the flow of the opening verse. "Hawking/Rocking" have nice connectivity and the entire verse moves along in a pleasant way. I was really digging the "No guitar pedal" opening of the second stanza, but the latter part of the line felt off to me. Not only was it something of a stock movement, but it diminished the "pedal/meddle" pairing for me.I'll try to get more on future listens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted May 29, 2013 Author Moderators Share Posted May 29, 2013 Maybe if i continue that rhyme scheme for each of the 3 lines. Just some quick rhymes to get tthe idea across. Like so... No guitar pedal, to meddle with his toneNo rock star glitter, a heavy hitter all his ownLooking up at the stars, past Venus and Mars, lost in the zoneHe was not aloneNo he was not alone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted May 29, 2013 Members Share Posted May 29, 2013 I really, really like the opening verse, with maybe one tiny change. Stephen HawkingI dreamt he was rocking out in his garageHe was standing tallA Telecaster and an amplifier, that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members richarddieffenbach Posted May 29, 2013 Members Share Posted May 29, 2013 Really like much. The one small lyrical change I would toss in for your consideration is this line:"I dreamt he was rocking out in his garage" When I listened to the song, I had missed the "I" word quite by accident. So, I was interpreting the whole song as if it were from SH's perspective, as *he* was seeing himself and others.Stephen HawkingDreamt he was rocking out in his garageHe was standing tallA Telecaster and an amplifier, that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted May 29, 2013 Members Share Posted May 29, 2013 richarddieffenbach wrote: Really like much. The one small lyrical change I would toss in for your consideration is this line:"I dreamt he was rocking out in his garage" When I listened to the song, I had missed the "I" word quite by accident. So, I was interpreting the whole song as if it were from SH's perspective, as *he* was seeing himself and others.Stephen HawkingDreamt he was rocking out in his garageHe was standing tallA Telecaster and an amplifier, that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted May 30, 2013 Author Moderators Share Posted May 30, 2013 I'm pretty sure the whole concept is lacking legs.:-) i think I'm going to cut my losses and bail on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted May 30, 2013 Members Share Posted May 30, 2013 Lee Knight wrote: I'm pretty sure the whole concept is lacking legs.:-) i think I'm going to cut my losses and bail on it. In a 4-dimensional universe, I'm sure it would make a good C-side of a record........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted May 30, 2013 Members Share Posted May 30, 2013 Lee Knight wrote: I'm pretty sure the whole concept is lacking legs.:-) i think I'm going to cut my losses and bail on it. I disagree. I think the 1st verse is great, it's just a matter of finding a way to weave that same magic into the rest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted May 30, 2013 Members Share Posted May 30, 2013 Lee Knight wrote: I'm pretty sure the whole concept is lacking legs.:-) i think I'm going to cut my losses and bail on it. The stephen Hawkings bit is definitely lacking legs Sorry, that is a very poor taste joke. However, I think the song is ace, I wouldn't scrap it at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 1, 2013 Author Moderators Share Posted June 1, 2013 :-) Yeah, I know! I've thought about that a bit but I'm not sure I want to go there. Still considering it though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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