Members rhino55 Posted October 16, 2013 Members Share Posted October 16, 2013 Still messing around with open D. I think I'm going to order a Gretsch Honney Dipper in the next couple weeks.Any and all comments welcome. Latest DemoCome a Little Closer (resonator) Original DemoCome a Little CloserCome a little closerI can't see where you areCome a little closerWhy else are you in this barThe freaks come out at nightSo should youYou can't tell meYou're not a freak too You can only fight it for so longYou can only hide it for so long Come a little closerLoosen up that stanceCome a little closerShow me how you danceThe stars come out at nightSo should youThis is your chanceTo be my star too You can only fight it for so longYou can only hide it for so long EDIT: The lyric after being forum'd Come a little closerI can't see who you areCome a little closerWhy else are you in this barThe freaks come out at nightSo should youYou can't tell meYou're not a freak too You can only fight it, fight it, fight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted October 16, 2013 Moderators Share Posted October 16, 2013 rhino55 wrote: Still messing around with open D. I think I'm going to order a Gretsch Honey Dipper in the next couple weeks. Any and all comments welcome. Come a Little Closer Come a little closer I can't see where you are Come a little closer Why else are you in this bar The freaks come out at night So should you You can't tell me You're not a freak too You can only fight it for so long You can only hide it for so long Very cool!!! I looked up a Honey Dipper. Like a steel faced Dobro. Well, by all means! That seems like it would fit you to a tee. So... I love it. The melodic rhythm of your opening line grabs with teeth. Nice. I do feel that halfway through the verse and into the chorus it loses that bite of the first line though. Only through lack of development. The first thing that came into my mind, and only one idea out many I'm sure, is to double up on your cadence of those last 4 lines of the verse. The freaks come out at night, so should youYou can't tell me, you're not a freak too To give a sense of racing into that chorus. So the 1st half of the verse would have that cool JJ Cale thing, but then you get more Ry Cooder on it and quicken to pace and frequency of the story. Similarly, with your chorus, it totally works but feels to me like it needs more rhythm in the lyrics. Maybe... You can only fight it, fight it, fight... for so longYou can only hide it, hide it, hide... for so long Or not. Awesome start dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted October 16, 2013 Moderators Share Posted October 16, 2013 Oh... and I absolutely love the blurred lines between the minor and the major. That's awesome. That's totally playing within trad boundaries but stretching them nicely. Very cool once again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted October 16, 2013 Members Share Posted October 16, 2013 rhino55 wrote: Still messing around with open D. I think I'm going to order a Gretsch Honney Dipper in the next couple weeks. Any and all comments welcome. Come a Little Closer Come a little closer I can't see where you are Come a little closer Why else are you in this bar The freaks come out at night So should you You can't tell me You're not a freak too You can only fight it for so long You can only hide it for so long Come a little closer Loosen up that stance Come a little closer Show me how you dance The stars come out at night So should you This is your chance To be my star too You can only fight it for so long You can only hide it for so long I love it. I love the guitar, the vibe, the storyline.A couple things lyrically:Come a little closerI can't see where you areThis makes sense only if the guy is drunk. It would make more sense to say that he can't see who she is, not where she is. But if he's drunk, then it kind of works. Why else are you in this barThe freaks come out at nightThis works better than what you sing on the track because there you're repeating the word come, but if it's a matter of what works rhythmically, then I'd let it slide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted October 16, 2013 Members Share Posted October 16, 2013 Lee Knight wrote: Similarly, with your chorus, it totally works but feels to me like it needs more rhythm in the lyrics. Maybe... You can only fight it, fight it, fight... for so long You can only hide it, hide it, hide... for so long Or not. Awesome start dude. ^That leaped into my mind when listening and it sounded awesome. I hope you incorporate it, Ryan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Members Share Posted October 16, 2013 I see what you did there with the dear. So the doubled up cadence works pretty well. I might leave the same amount of space musically and add some background "come a little closer" maybe make it sound like a megaphone or something. I'll have to get in a band setting to see if that works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted October 17, 2013 Members Share Posted October 17, 2013 I like this one a lot - it's all going to be in the full band treatment I think. This is like down and dirty blues more than anything. If the band brings in what G. Harrison called "the little bits" (ie short lead phrases and percussion accents and fills and a couple full stops in the right places,) I don't think it will need more chord changes. Keeping that evil-intention slow pulse on one major/minor uneasy chord for such a long time will make the simple changes in the chorus all that more satisfying...don't scratch it until it really itches a while later sort of thing. Ryan you're a natural - nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted October 17, 2013 Moderators Share Posted October 17, 2013 Yes indeed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Members Share Posted October 17, 2013 Borrowed a resonator last night. Recorded another demo incorporating some of the changes you guys mentioned. I also played it a little slower. Which tempo do you guys prefer?Come a Little Closer (resonator) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted October 17, 2013 Members Share Posted October 17, 2013 rhino55 wrote: Still messing around with open D. I think I'm going to order a Gretsch Honney Dipper in the next couple weeks. Any and all comments welcome. Latest DemoCome a Little Closer (resonator) This is great, but isn't it a bit too slow to accurately convey the feeling of being onstage in a noisy bar? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted October 17, 2013 Moderators Share Posted October 17, 2013 I agree with O about the "Fight its" but however you do it, it is a nice addition and change up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Members Share Posted October 17, 2013 LCK, as far as conveying the feeling of being onstage in a noisy bar goes... that's not really what I'm going for. I mentioned that earlier because most of the experience I have in bars is being on stage and... write what you know, right? That's actually one of the reasons I liked the "who" instead of "where" suggestion. It works given my experience but also brings a broader meaning to the table. For me this is all about getting somebody to loosen up and dance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted October 18, 2013 Moderators Share Posted October 18, 2013 You played it with band or solo? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted October 18, 2013 Author Members Share Posted October 18, 2013 solo I did a gig with two other songwriters, where we each play a solo set and then all play together trading off songs. The fact that it worked solo, let's me know that when I get it with a band, it's going to work really well. (at least that's what I'm telling myself) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.