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  • Things I Shouldn't Love - NEW VERSION added

    Had my DAW fired up to track some vocals for "Wishful Thinking" and instead this version of Lee's great lyric just popped out.  The bridge took a little work to flesh out, but everything else was literally in seconds. 

    Lee, if you are there, this is an homage not a rip off.  I'll never make any money on it and if I ever post it anywhere, I'll make it abundantly clear that it was your lyric.

    Updated demo for a more mellow vibe

    ---------------------------------------

    Things I Shouldn't Love

    Lady Gaga

    Don't listen to Justin.
    LCK - 2/21/2012

  • #2

    Oswlek wrote:

    Lee, if you are there, this is an homage not a rip off.  I'll never make any money on it and if I ever post it anywhere, I'll make it abundantly clear that it was your lyric.


    I am here. I keep checking to see if Lee Knight has read my private message. (He seems to be under the impression that I'm angry at certain people here, and that I blame him for my meltdown... I'm not and I don't.)

    I think you've done a great job with the lyric. I see it as both an homage and a cool writing exercise.

    Good job!

     

    “I started being a songwriter pretending I could do it, and it turned out I could.” —James Taylor.

    Comment


    • Oswlek
      Oswlek commented
      Editing a comment

      Thanks for the approval, Lee. 

      Anyone else?  I know the lyric has already been discussed, but is the melody working?  The bridge?


  • #3
    Always!
    "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." Thomas Jefferson

    Comment


    • #4

      The mood-match between music and lyric is much better now. Well done.

      There are 2 places where your phrasing of the lyric IMO could be improved. The 1st one is small, but try it and see. You are singing Brian Wilson's /// awkward smile when it feels like there should be less of a gap between the words Brian Wilson's / awkward smile (you don't do it in the other verses).

      The big one is : Apartment /// B /// still smells of nicotine. Without reading it, there is no sense in the line. I reckon it should be Apartment B / still smells of nicotine.


      Seewotchathink

      'Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn'.
      CHARLIE PARKER

      Comment


      • Oswlek
        Oswlek commented
        Editing a comment

        Thanks, Phil.  The first one is a performance issue.  For some reason, I can't keep the beat straight without a pause there, I did the same thing in the uptempo one as well.

        The "B" delay is artistic liberty, as well as the fact that I can't get a clear separation between "ment" and "B' without a good sized pause there.  It actually sounds worse when I sing them tight because the ear thinks it is a single, uninterpretable word (or maybe "apart meant to be"?  ).  If I ever studio this up, I'll see what I can do.

         

        I'm still interested in the melody choices on "wrote", "hey vern guy" and the "subway" line.  I think I'm OK with the first and last, but I wonder if I should tone down the middle one.  Is it a good thing that I spice it up right there or does it feel like an overdo?


    • #5
      You can't think too much about this. I just listened to the slower version again and again. It's really perfect. My only question might be the Vern verse. While I, and obviously many others, get it, it still feels like it's going to cut out a large portion of your audience. Your take on this is so good that I would really think that line because really, this is damn good. Really damn good.
      "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." Thomas Jefferson

      Comment


      • #6
        Phil, I love that line! Sorry to be contrary, but memory triggers are what they are. I thought of it like maybe Audrey Hepburn or a hip chick. The good with the bad and all that. A nice twist on smelling her perfume?
        "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." Thomas Jefferson

        Comment


        • oldgitplayer
          oldgitplayer commented
          Editing a comment

          Lee Knight wrote:
          Phil, I love that line! Sorry to be contrary, but memory triggers are what they are. I thought of it like maybe Audrey Hepburn or a hip chick. The good with the bad and all that. A nice twist on smelling her perfume?

          You barefaced, contrary, b b b b bass player. I know what you're saying though.

          Maybe its a good thing that I'm not anybody's producer......png" alt=":smileyindifferent:" title="Smiley Indifferent" />


        • Oswlek
          Oswlek commented
          Editing a comment

          Yeah, I'm with Lee on this one.  The nicotine line is my second favorite in the entire song, that lingering smell of smoke being a perfect example of something that should be bothersome, but somehow isn't.

          I think I agree about the "vern" stanza, but looking closely, I think the first and third lines can stay.  Is the fix as simple as inserting another name?  Or perhaps a different movie characteristic?

          Something interesting that I didn't even notice until playing the song in my head putting the boys to sleep last night, I inserted an extra 4 bar measure after the "subway" line.  I've never done anything ike that before and made it sound natural.  


      • #7
        Ha I just wondered if you missed my post early on as the topic took off, that is all

        Comment


        • mbfrancis
          mbfrancis commented
          Editing a comment

          stickboymusic wrote:
          Ha I just wondered if you missed my post early on as the topic took off, that is all

          Well of course not, I never pay attention to your posts.    

          Actually read your post and scroll up to mine...great minds, ha.


      • #8
        This popped up on my mp3 player a few days ago and I was floored by how much I enjoyed it. I hadn't forgotten about it, but the feedback on MM was so tepid that I'd started considering it just another in a long line of misfires. But it's back on the to-do list. What a great lyric, even if I never find a more modern "Hey Vern guy" substitute.
        Don't listen to Justin.
        LCK - 2/21/2012

        Comment

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