Members Sunsetcarcrash Posted February 5, 2008 Members Share Posted February 5, 2008 The hall is dark on the way outside Your ghastly gown, it hides your eyes The stars they fall and bury deep The hopes and dreams you could not keep The room is filled with somber chords, Broken hearts, and dark d Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members thepalpitations Posted February 6, 2008 Members Share Posted February 6, 2008 You have some interesting images but you lack specificity. As it stands, these lyrics don't really distinguish your song from others in this same style/genre. That's not to say these are bad, but I've seen and heard these stock images - chill in the air, ghosts, mirrors, falling stars - all before. Your work will be much stronger if you give us a concrete, truly surprising image or idea that the reader/listener doesn't expect. "Remnants of the kings and queens" is probably the most interesting line. "Scales, they balance lustfully." is the worst, hands-down. This doesn't make sense for any possible definition of "scales," "balance" or "lustful." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members les_rokr Posted February 11, 2008 Members Share Posted February 11, 2008 nonetheless, you've written some fairly catchy lines. Let me put it this way; I hear them, they sound good, they sound great, but i have nothing to connect them to. that is why they lack specificity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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