rate this song? newbie :-)

hi all, im a very new guy on here....it seems an intresting place to chat. I wote this song about hit and run driving....well, thats kinda the theme. Ive quickly recorded me singing and playin keyboard and put it on youtube.

My singing seems really flat and dull on this, i do generally sing better than that.

id really like to make it sound more intresting but struggling on how to go about it, i think it sounds pretty laid back, a bit to laid back i think.

honest opinions?

thanks a lot, feedback would be great:-).

heres the link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNYuRUXFICk

recording quality is very bad

i prefer acoustic guitar to piano/keyboard

it's too easy to catch people's attention with a piano/keyboard

a guitar is a more eloquent solo instrument

well the recording quality sucks but the song is pretty good. i think maybe you could hold out some of the notes longer. and it is hard to hear you the keyboard kind of drowns out your voice.

yeah low rate , maybe try another recording then listen to it again. Or find the sound that makes it dull

thankyou for the responses....while realising the recording quality is pretty bad, it was the song itself i was more concerned about.

i do find it really hard to push emotion into my voice when im playing an instrument, its probably to do with my inhabitions than anything...im a pretty reserved person therefore it's pretty alien to sing confidently!

i'll have another go, thanks :-)

hi all, im a very new guy on here....it seems an intresting place to chat. I wote this song about hit and run driving....well, thats kinda the theme. Ive quickly recorded me singing and playin keyboard and put it on youtube. My singing seems really flat and dull on this, i do generally sing better than that. id really like to make it sound more intresting but struggling on how to go about it, i think it sounds pretty laid back, a bit to laid back i think. honest opinions? thanks a lot, feedback would be great:-). heres the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNYuRUXFICk

I don't normally make any extended comment on lyrics unless they're posted because it's often hard to make them out and easy to get them wrong.

The performance issues have already been commented on (and are a little off-topic for this forum) but my recommendation is simply to practice the song more; it seems like its your hesitancy that translates into a bit of rhythmic uncertainty and probably undercuts your confidence level. As playing the song becomes second nature it should ease that issue. But do keep an eye on your meter/time-keeping. You probably have some sort of metronome or drum machine setting on the keyboard; find a usable rhythm preset and practice to that.

With regard to the writing aspect of the music, the chords seem entirely serviceable (if not groundshaking -- but then most folks don't want earthshaking chord changes in pop) for that sensitive/post-twee thoughtful-pop thing you would seem to be going for.

The music and the subject matter would suggest some serious ironic distance -- but that's right in keeping with that genre: pretty and/or naive melodies and chord changes under often dark lyrics. (And I'm assuming a song about hit-and-run driving is not a light hearted romp. )

Anyhow, lots of room to grow but a good start!

Yeah your right blue2blue, i generally gfo for thoughtful songs but fairly upbeat sounded - ive never been one to listen to really depressing music. Alot of my favourite songs are really downbeat lyrics but the music counters them and you dont realise how sad the song is until you listen or read them properly!!

on the singing note - i dont have a set voice for it yet, my head voice seems a lot higher and more intense and my chest voice (?) seems way to deep. suppose it is confidence and all that.

does anybody have any ideas for a musical break towards the end? im really struggling to find something suitable. maybe something to build up and sing the bridge/chorus in a higher key?

many thanks

This is a songwriting thread is it not? Not a production thread? Now that I've got that out of the way...sigh.

Yes, singing is flat, it's a little low for your range though...transposing the whole thing up a few steps might help force you to sing it with more energy. Trust me I know about flat singing, I do it.

I like the style in which you're demonstrating the song...electric piano and vocal on a crappy video. That's great, because it's a very unforgiving format that exposes fundamentals of songwriting. It's a great way to test-drive things.

I commend you on doing the video and writing the song, it takes guts to write a song at all let alone perform it in an unforgiving format for people on an internet forum.

+1

You know what, I dug the song. Yes, your singing is a tinge flat, but who cares. The song reminds me of the Vampire Love Song from the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," because it has a "broadway" undercurrent in it. It's a very playful song and yet the lyrics are melancholy and introspective (from what I can hear), and I like that.

You do have tonal, rhythmic, and timing issues; but those issues could be alleviated with a multi-track recording and a metronome. Whether digital-multitrack or computer digital-work-station (DAW), it will allow you to confidently play your keyboard (with a metronome) on one track and then you can concentrate more on a better vocal performance on the next track. A simple recording device can help while songwriting, then you won't have to perform the songs on camera...just something to think about.

Good work,

Cheers!

I hear you about it turning into a production thread, i didnt realise.....apologies:-).

LukeNathaniel, i did think about taking the song up a few steps because when im "forced" to sing higher it generally happens.

Just a question, but in a lot of songs the key changes for a climax though im not sure if its a full octave up or just up a few steps, because iv got a few tunes and have tried changing octave for the last chorus, though seems like a massive leap up and a bit out of place. Any views on it?

Thanks for the feedback, its very incouraging hearing what like-minded people on here think, whether it be positive or negative it's much appriciated.

You didn't turn it into a production thread, others did for you. Don't sweat it, people place values on different things.

RE: octaves...I would not recommend moving up entire octaves. Simply moving the whole chord progression up a few steps will force you to sing with more energy because it's higher in your range...the range you're singing at is close to the effortless speaking voice so it's tough to put a ton of energy into it. By that I mean "force", from your diaphragm. Taking the song up a few steps will help with this, I'm sure.