Some Lyrics I Threw Together

I haven't written them down yet. I probably should before I forget. The music is finished. I'll probably post the whole thing in a future showcase thread.

Here they are:

Phase one:

These are not the words of a stranger

This is not a portal to oblivion

And I ask myself, is it worth the scars from jagged dreams

And why must truth always be kept under lock and key

But I'm done

Done with words that don't breathe

'Cause time has no mercy

It just flows on and carries our souls towards infinity

I pray to God He sees Himself in me

And If I had to choose a resting place for my heart

I'd choose you

[Musical Break]

Phase Two:

Colors bleed and so do we

We're painting 3D tragedies

Upon a canvas framed by Time

Stolen from the divine, but it's not enough

To wait until the darkness passes

Letters from the Lord

I've kept them hidden away until now

And they tell me

"These are not the words of a stranger"

I think I'll call this one "Zeuxis & Parrhasius"

Abstract and a little bit wacky, but overall I like it.

That's interesting. I wanted to make these lyrics as straight-forward as possible.

God, Time and transcendance are hard topics to talk about in a concrete way.

You're right. I'd have to write a song about 2 or so hours long to really tackle what I wanted to say in this one.

As always, a sincere thanks for taking the time out to comment. Much appreciated.

Love it. From the first stanza I was already intrigued and by the time I got to "We're painting 3D tragedies" (incredible line, BTW) I could feel it resonating within me.

The only thing I'd consider changing in the first 3 stanzas is dropping the "'Cause". As for the final stanza, it is good, and closing with the first line wraps things up nicely, but it didn't hit me as hard as the rest. Not sure why, just sharing my experience.

Interesting images the second verse seems to have too much in it.

Words that don't breath

time has no mercy

flows on towards infinity

God sees Himself in me

a resting place for my heart

I'd choose you

. . . , that all comes at the listener pretty much like "bang, bang, bang" without a chance to digest much of it. And the final "Choose you" is the first time we get a sense the protagonist is talking to someone specific. But who is it he's talking to? No other reference is made. Is it a lover, a friend, God Himself?

I probably need to try to make sense of these lyrics. They're not written down anywhere. I kind of "freestyled" them out of thin air after weeks of listening to way too much Blackalicious. I know I said initially that I want the lyrics to be straightforward, but now I'm sort of liking the ambiguous elements. My only problem is that as they are they go perfectly with the music I've composed down to the syllable, so a simple lyric change would have to mean a complete song overhaul.

Then run with it. After reading Marshal's note I did notice the rapidfire imagery, but not everything is intended for everyone.

That's always the case. It's a sticky wicket working out lyrics that are consistent and flow right. One of my best songs of the last couple years has always had a verse that has too much going on (in my own final analysis). I've got it recorded for a disc project and was listening to it, and I realized that, after several rewrites, the verse in question still doesn't work. And it's essential to the purpose of the song. So, I've been going through more attempts to beat and bash it into shape (like a blacksmith bashing a glowing hot hunk of steel). There are only so many sylables available to tell that part of the story. It made me condense it down to it's essence (as far as the song was concerned). And I think I finally have it worked out like I should have 2 years ago when I first wrote it. But I guess I needed that distance to finally get far away enough from the story to let the song be the song.

Anyway, next week I'll go back into a friend's studio and redo the vocal for the song. This should work better. It'll flow nicely. And it might even make sense to somebody else. *smirk*

The problem is, I'm not really sure what I can should do differently lyric-wise. I don't really write story-based songs with protagonists and such. I've been heavily influenced by hip hop on the lyric end of things lately (MF DOOM, Blackalicious, Kokayi, Blu + Exile), which would explain the rapid-fire imagery. And as always I draw from the constant inspiration I get from my personal favorite songwriters David Sylvian and Paddy McCaloon.

David Sylvian:

"Atom and Cell"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOTHdjymnW0

Prefab Sprout

"Don't Sing"

Over the years, I've developed a "Just a guy thinking out loud" style of lyrics. I don't talk much in real life, but If I feel comfortable enough with someone or in the mood to express myself, I'll open up. The lyrics I come up with is what you'd here if you were sitting down with me on such an occasion.