Would you Pass or Play this Gig??

[Kirk Markarian]

Oh man, ain't THAT the truth! When you read phrases like "Hey, if the guy's wife is that much of a control freak, his marriage is done," "If you're a gigging musician, no woman should control you," and "Women who control when and where you perform are not good for a man" the sources probably should be cut some slack because it's obvious they have no experience in the matter. There used to be a time, and not so long ago, when a man wouldn't allow himself to be put in a situation that could be misconstrued, no matter how innocent he might be. It was part of being a man.

 

Well, you're married, and you're happy. So that's great! I'm happy for you, for real, and not in a douche-bag way.

 

I have had long-term relationships, and yeah, things change, you start becoming attached to the "we-ness" of the situation. But I realized that I am not marriage material.

 

I am an artist, a musician, a drummer, a composer, all of these things. Full-time. My job is being a graphic-design artist. My outside of work activities are being an artist or a musician. So, you can see the conundrum. Being an artist is a FULL-TIME gig. It's what a guy chooses. I chose to be an artist. I do not want to father children, I don't want to marry anybody that will place strain on my artistic bent. There are a few girls I know of that are of that same mentality. So, whether or not you cut me slack is of no import. There are men who father children, and there are men who aim to create in other ways.

 

Being a father is not the only way to be a man. Making up your mind on what you really want is another way. I support myself, am responsible for all my actions, and even though I wish not to be a father, my urge to pro-create is strong. And in the situation of pregnancy, I would step up to the plate. It's as nature intended.

 

An artist should seek women of his persuasion. If you seek a woman who is from the school of "house-wife" with no latent abilities beyond mothering and house-cleaning, and maybe working some kind of office job, an artist will definitely run into problems. These problems arise from social programming. This is not a knock against women who want this lifestyle. But every artist or musician should consider this before they get married. Did that guitarist? Who knows? I would place my bet that he either fell in love, and love was stronger than art for him, or he knocked her up.

 

But, I do agree with your statement about being misconstrued. I should have kept my trap shut. I'm working on that.

[Carminemw]

He's not gonna be the problem. You guys are gonna have the problem. If you think, as great as your marriages are, as loving as your wives or mates pretend to be...if you think your other halves are gonna be cool with this idea of playing strip clubs, there's a bridge I wanna talk to you about buying. Somewhere, someplace down the road, the gig will come back to haunt you. The female mentality does support that much confidence and open mindedness...no matter HOW good things are. And it leads to real anxiety pushing circumstances down the road...even to the point of the obvious turnaround..."how come my wife doesn't mind me hanging around all the girls who are paid to be sexual and alluring (not necessarily promiscuous) What's going on here anyway".

 

As Fitch says...if this is a milestone gig like on tour, you can roll with the punches and get a sub (but cover your own behind...not literally mind you). But for being just a local strip club gig...MONEY DON'T MEAN CRAP IF IT HURTS SOMEONE OR SOMETHING DOWN THE ROAD. I've played those clubs. This gig ain't worth the thought IMO. It's costly in more ways than one. You need jugs...rent a movie, don't bring the reaper into the home. Values are what you make of them.

[cearleywine]

my god, she sounds crazy. It's funny as a society we can't trust our significant others, assuming they will cheat just because the opposite sex is naked. I went to a strip club only once and it was with my girlfriend. We had a pretty good time. It felt more like a sociological experiment, studying a certain breed of ape. I'm definitely attracted to naked women, but it's just a really mild form of prostitution. Although, I think I would like this gig. It would probably be pretty relaxed and I'm sure you would get free drinks.

 

But honestly, if their is hardly any trust, then that is hardly a marriage.

[Carminemw]

But honestly, if their is hardly any trust, then that is hardly a marriage.

 

Very true...but this goes beyond trust. We're not talking about a night club gig, we;re talking about a strip club gig. I've played both. Strip clubs are a completely differnt anumal...lap dances and all. It would be hard for ANY girl, woman to say have good night dear and really mean it when with her spouse going out and playing those types of gigs. There are too many temptations and delicate situations. I played the famed Baltimore Block when I was younger, but even that's not a strip club...that was a burlesque house. Men and women could go there to enjoy entertainment together...strip clubs sound like just what they are...

[SkiAz4Free]

{censored}! We're all overthinking this...

 

She should just go along. Be a supportive wife, roadie some gear, and give the strippers dirty looks. "That's MY man up there, HANDS OFF BITCHES!"

 

end of story.

[OuttaTime]

{censored}! We're all overthinking this... She should just go along. Be a supportive wife, roadie some gear, and give the strippers dirty looks. "That's MY man up there, HANDS OFF BITCHES!" end of story.

 

I just pee'd, AGAIN!!!!

 

He's told me that she had kissed a female friend of hers, maybe she would go!! It'll be fish taco nite:lol:

[genghiskog]

Maby we need another approach here. Lets say your wives and girlfriends are in a band and want to go play an innocent gig that just happens to be in a male strip club. How would you handle this??? I am not married but can I tell you that there is no way I would be cool with that. No matter how much I trust her every jealous bone in my body would burn with rage. It isn't always a matter of trust. You will make a decision on what you want to do and then you will live your lives with the consequences of that decision whether it be good or bad.

[theDan]

As a 16 year old high school student, I personally would JUMP at the opportunity, now if i were married... i wouldnt.

[zarazabas]

Call me young and naive and idealistic.... but i would never marry a woman who didn't trust me to play that gig. FFS.... it's work, it's not like you're going there to hang out with your buddies and have a perv. On the same token, i would never marry a woman who i didn't trust to do the exact same thing (in a male strip club). It's a 2 way street. But i guess that's why most marriages end in divorce these days... people who shouldn't be married, get married. I never understood people who get married after some stupidly small amount of time, like 1 year. Some friends of mine recently split after being married for about that long. I saw it coming a mile away. I'm pretty sure that i wouldn't marry a woman until i've been with her at least 5 years, and lived with her at least 2 of those (i also don't believe in not having sex before marriage). And then kids.... {censored}, i think it should be MANDATORY for people wanting kids to have been together at least 5 years (they don't have to be married, that's just paper these days and obviously means bugger all to most people judging by the amount of divorces) and must also pass a test. That's right, i think people should have to pass a test to be able to breed. Too many dumb {censored}s out there, we need to breed them out.

 

Sooo..... i strayed a little off topic there, just ranting my crazy thoughts. Anyway, back to strippers? Who the {censored} wants a stripper anyway? 9 out of 10 strippers i've seen (which is very few i'll admit so the opinion i'm about to express is probably invalid, but it's mine nonetheless) have been dirty skanky hoes whom i wouldn't {censored} with YOUR dick, nevermind mine!

[marko46]

 

Strip club gig + married 30somethings = WORST IDEA EVER

 

 

Hof, that is THE MOST normal statement that makes good sense ever pop up on these pages from you. Not that I don't think your normal or anything. But, I agree, no matter how good this all sounds to anybody and how you justify it, eventually there will be hell to pay- period. My wife is an ex-stripper from 20 years ago and she would absolutely have a freakin' melt down. And even if we stayed married, which this is one issue that could jeopardize that in my house, there wouldn't be sex for at least a 5 year period. And let's be honest here, who doesn't like a hot chick coming up and making goo goo eyes at ya after a set? Your lying if you say you don't, at least if your a male posting on here, maybe female too. Somewhere, deep down inside, even if your the most loyal husband / fianc

[BroadST]

Maby we need another approach here. Lets say your wives and girlfriends are in a band and want to go play an innocent gig that just happens to be in a male strip club. How would you handle this??? I am not married but can I tell you that there is no way I would be cool with that. No matter how much I trust her every jealous bone in my body would burn with rage. It isn't always a matter of trust. You will make a decision on what you want to do and then you will live your lives with the consequences of that decision whether it be good or bad.

 

That's the way I felt prior to meeting my wife. In fact, I was 10 times worse. I was always the extreme jealous type. Something happened when I met my wife. I always just knew I could trust her. I have no idea how or what happened. My wife is the same way with me. I know exactly what would happen if I approached her about this. She would support me fully. She would say, go right ahead. However, I would never do it. Going to a strip club for a good friend's bachelor party is one thing. Playing a semiregular gig there is another. I just would not put myself in the situation, not to mention that I'm not much for strip clubs. They all just seem way to shaddy. Not my cup of tea I guess. Yeah, sure, naked women but they aren't showing you their stuff because they dig you. They are there to grab your bucks and that's it. No thanks. I'd rather stay home and get the real thing.

[SkiAz4Free]

 

My wife is an ex-stripper from 20 years ago and she would absolutely have a freakin' melt down

 

 

I find it very humorous, and somewhat hypocritical, that ex-strippers are usually the first ones to put up a fight about letting their men go to strip clubs.

[Carminemw]

Why would that be hipocritical? They know the real deal...the real score (no pun intended...well maybe just a little)

[boomboomdrums]

I wouldn't touch it with a 99 1/2 foot (pause) pole. If he is your friend as you say he is, and it's going to cause him trouble at home, and perhaps cause him to have a guilt trip from you guys wanting to do it and him standing in the way, then just pass. I had to laugh to my myself when you said you hadn't asked your wife yet but knew she would be OK with it. I'm sure she thinks thats a great example for Dad to set to his kids. It's Sunday night and Dad's going off to a tit bar to "work". Even if she says it's OK now, it'll come back to bite you in the a$$ at some later time.

 

Those saying a husband and wife should trust each other, blah, blah, blah have obviously not been married for 10+ years like some of us who are saying to skip it.

 

There will be other gigs ...

[drumtechdad]

 

She would say, go right ahead. However, I would never do it.

 

 

You've put it in a nutshell, BroadST; thanks.

[Carminemw]

 

You've put it in a nutshell, BroadST; thanks.

 

 

+1:thu:

[SkiAz4Free]

 

Why would that be hipocritical? They know the real deal...the real score (no pun intended...well maybe just a little)

 

 

Maybe Marko's wife is way out of that scene and can't stand it anymore?

 

All the ex-strippers I know are still friends with current strippers and still sometimes hang out at strip clubs. It's ok for THEM to be there, but not there men.

 

It happened to a guy in our group in Vegas a few weeks ago. She still acts like a stripper, and he got reemed out for going to strip club. Poor fuker.

 

I like being at the clubs because I try to work them as hard as they are working me. I just play it up as much as possible. A 'lil "Why don't you sit on my lap and we can talk about that dance?"

 

I can't go there by myself because I feel ashamed and can get a better show at home for FREE (almost), but I certainly can go in with a group of freinds and lose only a minimal amount of $1's.

[OuttaTime]

 

I wouldn't touch it with a 99 1/2 foot (pause) pole. If he is your friend as you say he is, and it's going to cause him trouble at home, and perhaps cause him to have a guilt trip from you guys wanting to do it and him standing in the way, then just pass. I had to laugh to my myself when you said you hadn't asked your wife yet but knew she would be OK with it. I'm sure she thinks thats a great example for Dad to set to his kids. It's Sunday night and Dad's going off to a tit bar to "work". Even if she says it's OK now, it'll come back to bite you in the a$$ at some later time. Those saying a husband and wife should trust each other, blah, blah, blah have obviously not been married for 10+ years like some of us who are saying to skip it. There will be other gigs ...

 

 

 

 

And the kids would never know, they'd be in bed...

 

I did finally ask her. She said she thinks it would be fine as long as it didnt turn into an every week thing.

I will be married 10 yrs on Dec08. Although, weve been together since 94'.

My point here is there are really cool wives out there.(please dont put neg. ideas in my head!)

[boomboomdrums]

 

And the kids would never know, they'd be in bed... I did finally ask her. She said she thinks it would be fine as long as it didnt turn into an every week thing. I will be married 10 yrs on Dec08. Although, weve been together since 94'. My point here is there are really cool wives out there.(please dont put neg. ideas in my head!)

 

 

Great. Best of luck on the gig. Let us know how it goes.

[Noise...]

I think I may be the first to post this, but I wouldn't play the gig just out of respect for my wife.

 

The fact that you even had to ask if it's right or wrong tells me that YOU know it's wrong.

 

And, even attempting to drag the guitarist with a troubled marriage in is just plain selfish.

[BroadST]

 

I think I may be the first to post this, but I wouldn't play the gig just out of respect for my wife.

 

 

Yep, I basically said the same thing on the last page. That is exactly how I feel. My wife would be extremely supportive and would never saw no way but trust is one thing and respect is another. I'm not trying to say its wrong for anybody, but it the relationship I have with my wife, I wouldn't do it.