Members BigVoiceTenor Posted April 6, 2009 Members Share Posted April 6, 2009 Ok anyone here that's been in a band had to click on this one! In a nutshell: We have a 5 piece cover band. Four of us have years of musical experience, the bassist less than a year. We're able to cover him and we've gotten by with him simply playing the root notes and some simple fills. We'll for almost a year we've had a excellant bassist waiting in the wings to play with us AND this guy can sing sweet background harmonies which the other guy cannot. We even had a mini-jam session with the guy and he IS what we need! Well the bassist is close friends with 3 guys in the band and they want to replace him but are worried about losing the friendship (and their wives are all close) so..... I say since I have the least contact with him, I'm gonna tell him we're seriously considering replacing him very quickly and he has no say. That way it can remove some "doings" from the other guys a bit who have ties with him. Anyone have good ideas or comments on how they've either let guys/girls go and or been let go themsleves from a band they liked? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members timmyo Posted April 6, 2009 Members Share Posted April 6, 2009 Tell him 1) Early2) Accurately3) Politely Early means he won't eventually find out that the issue festered for ages and feel worse about itAccurately means not thinking of a "less hurtful" or easier to expain reason. the truth will get out, then see 1.Politely means that even if he throws harsh words around, let it go and don't respond - he's the one getting the shock so cut some slack all imo of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members connonaut Posted April 6, 2009 Members Share Posted April 6, 2009 Tell him 1) Early2) Accurately3) PolitelyEarly means he won't eventually find out that the issue festered for ages and feel worse about itAccurately means not thinking of a "less hurtful" or easier to expain reason. the truth will get out, then see 1.Politely means that even if he throws harsh words around, let it go and don't respond - he's the one getting the shock so cut some slackall imo of course. I've been in a similar situation, with the guy leaving being pretty deep in my group of friends. And wow, now that I think about it, those are the things I'd always try to cover when delivering bad news like this. Just be ready for a super negative reaction of course. Also since all of you are close, I'd first try to see the bigger picture and ask myself if this is really the right thing to do. Is it worth shaking up the relationships of your closest friends for this band? Lastly, I've never been kicked out of a group, but I know what it's like to be incompetent. If you're not doing a good job, and someone rips you apart, any grown man should know it's coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LordBTY Posted April 6, 2009 Members Share Posted April 6, 2009 Just DON'T tell him before a gig! ;p That happened to a band I saw... he stormed off! It was so funny ---- TomMx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members romvert Posted April 7, 2009 Members Share Posted April 7, 2009 Tell him 1) Early2) Accurately3) PolitelyEarly means he won't eventually find out that the issue festered for ages and feel worse about itAccurately means not thinking of a "less hurtful" or easier to expain reason. the truth will get out, then see 1.Politely means that even if he throws harsh words around, let it go and don't respond - he's the one getting the shock so cut some slackall imo of course. I guess the "early" part is way overdue at this point, since they've known the other bassist for a year!...LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members romvert Posted April 7, 2009 Members Share Posted April 7, 2009 If you do have some experience you should know that you don't mix business with personal stuff. If your band is good enough to deserve the better bassist, then it is a natural progression, and your friend should see it coming. If he doesn't, then everyone should start hinting at his lack of musicianship vs. the progress and direction of the band. Maybe that would make him realize it a bit... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BigVoiceTenor Posted April 8, 2009 Author Members Share Posted April 8, 2009 Thanks for all the input. Many a big name player have been "let go" by their band mates. Any grown man (as I see it) should see the writing on the wall as they say. I don't want to keep going with the guy, I really don't. And If I WALK the band is DONE. I'm not saying that as a DICK, but it's the truth. We have a great 5 string bassist who can jam with the best and sing as well. Musically it's a no-brainer. So do we stay as an "ok" cover band or step it up and be a "kick-ass" cover band? Geesh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members axegrinder77 Posted April 8, 2009 Members Share Posted April 8, 2009 I think you need to ask yourself and your bandmates who know this guy what your priorities are. Sounds like they are trying to get you to do the dirty work. The problem is that they are complicit in this decision and therefore it WILL affect their friendships, especially if they try and pass this off like they are not in agreement with it... that doesn't make sense because surely they would have some say in the matter. Perhaps you can quantify the musical expectations of the bass role in the band, thus making it less personal. Say perhaps: we need to have our bass player able to run through these changes mistake free at xx bmp. This way, he can either practice 8 hours a day to get his chops up to standard, or he'll acknowledge he can't do it and gracefully step down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mamma Cat Posted April 8, 2009 Members Share Posted April 8, 2009 You're all mature adults, no? Right, so there shouldn't be a problem. Of course, the guy will feel bad, but he should understand if you tell him politely and attentively, but straightforwardly. We had a similar situation with a drummer, we wouldn't let him go cuz he was hard enough to find already, and he's also the bassplayer's brother. But he wasn't really into the band nor was he primarily a drummer, but a guitarrist/bassist, so he didn't really have a drummer's mindset which we needed. Turns out our new drummer was there all along, we were just too busy worrying about this guy to see it. And guess what - there's no hard feelings on either side, and our band made more progress in that one rehearsal with the new guy than in all the rehearsals so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members connonaut Posted April 8, 2009 Members Share Posted April 8, 2009 Honestly, if everyone's really close, it doesn't seem worth it to shake things up over a cover band, unless you guys would make a lot more money with a better bassist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members axegrinder77 Posted April 8, 2009 Members Share Posted April 8, 2009 Honestly, if everyone's really close, it doesn't seem worth it to shake things up over a cover band, unless you guys would make a lot more money with a better bassist. doesnt have to necessarily be about money... if the bassist is way better, maybe it's a better musical experience... can't put a price on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members connonaut Posted April 8, 2009 Members Share Posted April 8, 2009 doesnt have to necessarily be about money... if the bassist is way better, maybe it's a better musical experience... can't put a price on that. That's the only thing that would convince me. I don't think a better musical experience trumps a good friendship, assuming the OP and the bassist-in-question have a good friendship, haha. And if one would take a better music experience over a good friendship, I definitely wouldn't wanna be friends with a guy like that. I don't mean to get overarching, but life is bigger than music. At any rate, I think that if the OP kicks his bud out, it'll blow over in some amount of time, and everything will be alright again. I've seen friendships recover from worse. But personally speaking, I wouldn't do it with the circumstances we have on the table. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sideshowlinc Posted April 8, 2009 Members Share Posted April 8, 2009 yeah my band kicked out one of our guitarists and it was mega awkward cos he totally didnt see it coming. It was fair we did it, cos he was using our equipment as opposed to his own, didnt have a car cos he crashed his, and musically wasnt going where we wanted to go, so we met up at a bar and pretty much told him where to stick it. it was hard, but we're much better off now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wikwox Posted April 8, 2009 Members Share Posted April 8, 2009 I've been in this situation many times. If the rest of the band agrees a simple phone call usually gets it,. But have your replacement primed to go.If everyone is not in agreement I usually give notice and walk. "Living with it" never works for me, I'm far too serious about music. If the pay was great, and occasionally it has been, I will live with it. If not do something else, a good vocalist is always in demand. Pays to sing don't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LordBTY Posted April 8, 2009 Members Share Posted April 8, 2009 You're all mature adults, no? Right, so there shouldn't be a problem. Have you never met another musician? ---- TomMx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mamma Cat Posted April 8, 2009 Members Share Posted April 8, 2009 Can I put this in my sig on another forum? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BigVoiceTenor Posted April 9, 2009 Author Members Share Posted April 9, 2009 Well here's the update. I emailed our "band leader" if you will...that myself and the keyboardist are done with the bassist. We want the NEW guy we've had in the wings for the past 8 months. The BL "band leader" (damn that sounds cheesy) is in FLorida on vacation and emailed us back to WAIT to do anything! Well duh we're not gonna land the hatchet while he's away. He KNOWS we NEED a new bassist but is torn on friendship with the bassist and their wives. GD women I tell 'ya!!!! He's worried about losing a 12 year relationship with this guy if we let him go. And he doesn't see how we can do that without him being involved to give the final "thumbs down". What a pisser! This guy "the bassist" has thin skin and will freak, cry, get angry who knows, but I'm ready to knock him on his arse if need be and I'm a gentle giant. I have a good life, good wife, good kids, good job and I don't need the drama. Maybe it's time for me to go? Not to be narsisitic but the band will fold if that happens. SOB... I need a drink. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members romvert Posted April 9, 2009 Members Share Posted April 9, 2009 If you move on or just get through this, remember to mix the business and friendships ( especially wives and girlfriends that will tell you "what the band needs to do") a little less. Unless you have a noncompetitive group, and just jam every now and then for fun, you'd be setting yourself up for another dissapointment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BigVoiceTenor Posted April 9, 2009 Author Members Share Posted April 9, 2009 If you move on or just get through this, remember to mix the business and friendships ( especially wives and girlfriends that will tell you "what the band needs to do") a little less. Unless you have a noncompetitive group, and just jam every now and then for fun, you'd be setting yourself up for another dissapointment. I hear ya! Out of the 5 guys 3 of them have wives intertwined! Mine is not nor is the drummer and we stay DRAMA-FREE! We love it. I think I'm going to start a new thread which just got me to think of something! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members romvert Posted April 9, 2009 Members Share Posted April 9, 2009 I hear ya! Out of the 5 guys 3 of them have wives intertwined! Mine is not nor is the drummer and we stay DRAMA-FREE!We love it. I think I'm going to start a new thread which just got me to think of something! I have only one guy in my band, with his wife there ALL the time, be that practice, gig or just hanging out! Ruled by p*$sy is the least of his problems; she's so annoying I would've punched her in the neck already!LOL (and that would've been the least...)My best friend IS in my band, but we developed this communicative working situation/relationship to where business is business and friendship is found mostly outside of the band. This is our 4th stint in the same band, twice in the present one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LordBTY Posted April 9, 2009 Members Share Posted April 9, 2009 Can I put this in my sig on another forum? I don't see why not. ---- TomMx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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