'my friend, the leopard' - lyric critics

[Sonic Boy]

The Leopard

 

he's in the subway

with a razor burning face

and a suitcase in is hand

just like any other man

 

while the zoo's captive leopard

dreams of runing in hot savanas

sinking fangs in warm preys

hunting night and sleeping days

 

Making music of city poundings,

pulsating skin made of cement

siren screams and media ads

plaint of beggars and trash bags

 

(pre chorus)

the leopard stares

with his void emptied eyes

he came close to the cage

feeling the leopards breath

of dead meat fed just to him

 

and he wispered 'I'll get you out'

 

(CHORUS)

and well ride under red moons

hunt all night, sleep till noon,

just two friends on our own

and wake up with the taste of blood in our mouth

I'll get you out,

I'll get you out,

 

(Verses)

 

making music with phone bips

cofee cups and paper clips

in his office during day

ploting a plan and getting payed

 

the glimpse of leopards eyes

the chain holding you tight

the hand holding a key

tonight they'll break free

 

and trash it all with just one blow

pumping napalm into your soul

they call it rock'n roll

raging fires never grow cold

 

 

(CHORUS)

and well ride under the red moon

hunt all night, sleep till noon,

just two friends on our own

and wake up with the taste of blood in our mouth

I'll get you out,

friend, I'll get you out..

 

 

 

... tada. Do you guys like it? critics very much apreciated. This is for a The Stooges inspirated punk song.

I'm not very shure about the 'rock'n roll' verse, I would prefer if the alusion to it was more subtile.

[Sonic Boy]

It's ok if you dont like them just say so... i mean.. you just be destroying a beginers confidence in his lyric writing hability.

[negative sleep]

i think they are awesome!

[b-lance]

I think there not well developed and sort of childish,...but then again, this is a song about a leopard, so A

 

 

 

bert

[JackSonic]

no personal references and some good imagery. Decent chorus/hook. IMO needs some work on a few of the lines (e.g. "of dead meat fed just to him"), yet, if it's going to be a punk song, it may already be a little too refined.

[Sonic Boy]

actually I've done some mods... and I removed the pre-chorus part. I usually go into composing with a base poem, and then I cut words and change the order of verses etc.. so in the end it's alot more abstract.

 

I've recorded it and I turned out to be more of a indie kind of song. I defenetly canot 'sing' punk.

 

I'm glad someone called it childish because the concept of the album I'm doing is all about we being kids in adults bodies tamed by social rules, rock'n rooll being sort of a return to childhood and a safeground.

so it is very naive

[JackSonic]

re-writing is good (no matter what Paul McCartney and John Waters say)