I finally wrote a song!

[Frothy]

It's not personal. It has no emotion. It's not even that great, but I wrote something. Tell me what you think.

 

 

Verse 1

I've got a pothole in my brain

It slows down all the neurons

That have no place to go

And I'm going nowhere

 

Verse 2

I've got a scissors in my mind

It cuts down all the feelings

And the thoughts

And I'm falling over

 

Chorus

It's never worth it anyway

It causes all the things I hate

---

Thinking's over-rated

 

Verse 3

I've got a leach in my head

It sucks up all the fats

And all the the juices

Now I'll cease to operate

 

Solo

 

Bridge

I feel like my

Feel like my brain

Like my brain is

My brain is dead

 

Chorus

 

Verse 4

I suddenly feel fine

Like nothing ever seemed to really matter

 

 

So I'm missing a few lines. The bridge is an experiment in sucking. Verse 4 hardly gets the job done. Start making some suggestions!

[Frothy]

Does 28 views and 0 replies mean it's not worth the effort for me, or anyone, to try to improve?

[Frothy88]

its better than what i can do! Im all written out and ive never written {censored}!

[hack]

I think it is pretty cool! Even more important is you got the process going. Hopefully things will flow well after this too. Don't sweat too much over what other people say. If you like it, it is good. I like the theme. I like the bridge a lot.

I'd push vs 4 a bit more. It is kind of cliche, kind of a happy ending. I'd either leave that concept out or expand it somehow. But anyway, congrats!

[Frothy]

Thanks you two! It's good to hear that my song isn't completely hated . And yes, verse 4 needs lots of work. It's kind of going where I want it to go, but it obviously isn't there yet.