Also Lyrics

[misanthropy]

my first attempt at posting lyrics - you can rip it to shreds if need be - it's the only way to improve right ?

 

--

 

one more waiting for time

to pass away again

an illusion of the mind

a smile before the end

 

if i know it's all pretend then

everything's already happened

a convincing house of cards

life is built upon

 

everything is now...

everything is now... no wait...

 

one day we came across

something that was true

and it tore my mind in two

and broke apart my heart

and showed me life was art

when it seemed like much more

and i was blown apart

and i woke up on a bus

 

i'm still on the bus... i suspect

i'm still on the bus...

 

do i change nothing

when i grasp for something

i knew i couldn't hold

because the best things are old

but digging is hard

and nature is marred

but no worse than us

i think i'm still on a bus

 

everything is now...

everything is now... no wait...

 

--

 

yep.

[lumina]

i like them!

[misanthropy]

thanks for the input... is there anything specific that stuck out at you that you liked or thought i could improve ?

 

and it's OK to say you really didn't like them - or to say that they didn't do anything for you one way or the other - just plain'ole mediocracy. it all helps.

[lumina]

i like the imagery and the whole mysteriousness of the song. The lyrics have a very dreamlike quality to them. I'm not a huge fan of rhyming in lyrics, but your rhymes arent too bad.. at least they dont sound completely contrived and forced.

 

i really like the "one day i came across ..." stanza (4th)

 

its the rhyming in the last 'verse' that i don't like, maybe because you haven't been rhyming the whole time ? I'd maybe work on some different words, i especially don't like 'old' .. it seems like you could put something there that conjures up a better image or somethin' ...

 

n e ways, thanks for your reply to the lyrics i posted .. good luck!