read this one

[hood]

what you ya'll have to say about these lyrics to jazz/blues type thing

 

"You were the only one"

 

You where always there when I need you

Filled my heart with love everytime I'd see you

You were the only one, that filled my heart with love

You were the only one

 

Now that your gone I feel so alone

Every night that goes by I feel so cold

You were my golden sun, you warmed my bones down to the soul

You were the only one

 

(bridge)

Now I sit and wonder

I feel a little bit warmer

As I think about our time together

You were the only one

 

I stared at the stary sky all night

I could almost see your face in that icey star light

And I still feel the pain, you smile could make my day

you were the only one

 

then repeat first verse

 

good? Bad? could use some more work?

[Frothy]

I'm not very good at making critiques, but the phrase "icey star light" sounds pretty cool.

[sansunzeste]

I liked it. nice flowing sense. The key phrase you are the only one really tied all the parts together and trasitioned well. The song structure fit also with the key phrase sorta thingy.

[hood]

thanks, it think it's pretty good for a 15 yr.-- check my bands website www.eteamz.com/deschampsband - we are an acoustic trio- 3 singer(we do lots and lots of harmonies--3 part harmonies) 2 guitars- and a standup bass

[DigitalGringo]

Hmm....

 

 

For this one, the music's gonna be paramount - there's a big danger the wrong music could turn your lyrics into a cheesball.

 

Tread carefully, but otherwise some good phrasing.

 

Keep up the good work.

[hood]

i try to put up a mp3 or something like that.. but it may take a month or so-- cuz i dunno how to do all that fancy computer stuff

[GuitarDude]

Hey thats pretty good. Where in SC do you live. I'm in charleston.

[hood]

spartanburg

 

just curious but have you ever heard of - Uncle walt's band??