Check these lyrics...

[falseaddiction]

Sad Sad Girl

 

I watch you try

I see your emptiness insdie

and your so sad

your my sad sad girl

 

I sing this song

I sing for you to hear me

and make you smile

when i can't hold you near me

 

with every tear i cry

when you are gone

and every memory

I hold so long

 

all my dreams

you can see

you are my only

understanding everything

 

and sorrow filled

makes me, me

these broken dreams,

makes you, you

 

how did we fall apart

apart from love

apart from dreaming

that everything was right

 

the sun will set

on top of you

your world falls

with fading skys of blue

 

Let me know what you think...its an acoustic song....if you want to hear the song download it here....

 

http://pat.streetterror.com/sadsadgirl.mp3

 

If you listen let me know what you think about the vox and all that...thanks

[falseaddiction]

pleeeaseee

[Wayrockin1]

Well, ok...you asked!

 

Positives: good sounding voice, decent sounding acoustic sound for a demo. Lines are short and leave the song room to 'breathe'. Chords are interesting, as far as they go.

 

Opportunities: Very musically monotonous; that's ok for a verse or two, but then something needs to happen to keep the listener interested. Lyrically, it has just the opposite problem; it hops from one idea to the next but never gives the listener a 'hook' to remember. A little repetition would fix that. Add a chorus (takes care of both problems at once) or put something that repeats in the first or last line of each verse.

 

Hope this helps!

[Bossa]

I didn't listen to the song, but to be frank, these lyrics lack originality. Talk about Cliches.