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opinion on lyrics


IHATEMUSIC

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just wrote this one last week. let me know what you think

 

Verse 1

bobby and jan are packin' their bags

they're eatin' rock candy; they're runnin' away

jan turns to bobby and she hears him say

 

 

Verse 2

jan and bobby are out in the road

jean jacket cool; quiet, tired, and stoned

bobby looks at jan and jan is lookin' away

 

 

Chorus

blast off honey we'll take to the skies

skin glows pink; lights shine in our eyes

blast off honey we'll take to the skies

and when they write about us it won't be nuthin' but lies

 

 

Bridge

 

 

Chorus

 

 

Verse 3

gotta keep movin'; movin' leavin' this place

4 am's cold; sneakers missing a lace

bobby looks to jan, jan ain't got no face

 

Ending

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Originally posted by dmattrape

just wrote this one last week. let me know what you think


Verse 1

bobby and jan are packin' their bags

they're eatin' rock candy; they're runnin' away

jan turns to bobby and she hears him say



Verse 2

jan and bobby are out in the road

jean jacket cool; quiet, tired, and stoned

bobby looks at jan and jan is lookin' away



Chorus

blast off honey we'll take to the skies

skin glows pink; lights shine in our eyes

blast off honey we'll take to the skies

and when they write about us it won't be nuthin' but lies



Bridge



Chorus



Verse 3

gotta keep movin'; movin' leavin' this place

4 am's cold; sneakers missing a lace

bobby looks to jan, jan ain't got no face


Ending

 

 

I like it it just fine I see Fatboy Slim doin the music!

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glad you like it. it's just a loud/soft rock song with and echo-y, lou-reedy verse and a loud nirvana/pixies-esque chorus.

 

the no face deal was actually what came off the top of my head @ practice when the original lyric didn't fit (it wasn't particularly good). I think it adds a bit of paranoic creep to the song as well as suggesting that these two kids running off to take on the world together don't have well-formed identities and don't necessarily know each other that well.

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Good job--I like it a lot. V1 & 2 pull you in nicely and the chorus is great. V3 seems a little rushed and a bit cliche with the movin' leavin' 4am lines, but is solid on the sneaker lace and jan ain't got no face. I think I'd like it better with just the last two lines rhyming. It's very good as is though.

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Okay, but when Bobby looks at Jan does she really have no face, like maybe it was ripped off by some crazy farmer with a scythe? Or would this be more of an instance of ''eyes without a face,'' like Billy Idol might have said once. And if Jan has no face, she is going to need a hospital fast, and you'll probably need another verse about that. Interesting little twist on what looks a little like Mellencamp's Jack and Diane... subsitute rock-candy for chili dog. You'll need an acapella part about being sixteen in the Bible Belt to give it that real American feel.

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