Members RiffKing24 Posted July 29, 2002 Members Share Posted July 29, 2002 here's a song i wrote at practice. i was talking to bulldawg and i just suddenly had to say "shut up! i got a song!" it had nothing to do with our converstaion bu ti liked it so hear goes. it is about a girl that just won't let go of what we had... "leave me alone" So hard to breatheyou make me seetheA drama queennow i've seen Your only looking out- for number onewell here's something new number one ain't you (chorus)leave me alonestop calling me,and stalling me,cause i've got better things to do,than deal with you,and your attitude,so leave me alone, leave me alone, you pull me downi can taste the groundso far downi have to look up to see the pits (chorus) we didn't last but you grab the pastand hold it tightmake it through the night so you can call me in the morningwell you can have this simple warningi can't take this much morei have to break this beforei go insanestop screaming my name (chorus) get a job so you can buy a clue,there must be something wrong with you,get out of your cloudi won't say this that loudyour driving out of my mindso i'm driving you out of my lifeget off my back! get off my back! get off my back!(chorus 2x) the melody in my head is kinda like alternative rock but closer to hard i guess it's hard to explain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members deadreligion Posted July 29, 2002 Members Share Posted July 29, 2002 thats awesome! way better than that crappy god stuff..... i think i'll steal it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bulldawgu812 Posted July 29, 2002 Members Share Posted July 29, 2002 wow wow jeff..... nice... i saw u write then all in ur head in about 5 minutes..... thats just simply amazing..... we were walking down the hall of our church going to band practice and u just started talking those lyrics.... nice, very very nice.... definatly a very talented writer, not to sure about singing thoughlol. jk bud Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RiffKing24 Posted July 29, 2002 Author Members Share Posted July 29, 2002 wow. won't say anything abotu that...thankls for the compliments guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Pace Posted July 30, 2002 Members Share Posted July 30, 2002 Things I liked: Your only looking out- for number onewell here's something new number one ain't you so you can call me in the morningwell you can have this simple warningi can't take this much morei have to break this beforei go insanestop screaming my name---------------------------------------------------Things I disliked: The Chorus So hard to breatheyou make me seethe (Open your song with a stronger verse) ----------------------------------------------------Pretty good overall. I dont mean to offend you and remember, this is just my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RiffKing24 Posted August 1, 2002 Author Members Share Posted August 1, 2002 hey pace what about this to open and then go into the other part about hard to breathe i wake up and scream,another bad dream,and then into the hard to breathe part. i like the chorus though so i will keep it, no offense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Deryck Posted August 1, 2002 Members Share Posted August 1, 2002 Pfff...that's cool! I like it really! Great work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.