Members WattsUrizen Posted August 2, 2002 Members Share Posted August 2, 2002 RiffKing's song about a girl inspired me to start this thread, where we can bag all those filthy slatterns we politely call women. Why do women have small feet? So they can stand closer to the sink. What is the perfect woman? Three feet tall, flat head and no teeth. Women must perform the 3 'C's in their life: Cooking, Cleaning and (fellatio). How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and bitch about it. How many men does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Let the bitch do the dishes in the dark. If your dog is barking at the back door, and your woman is yelling at the front door, who do you let in? The dog, because it will shut up. How do you make a woman happy? Put the sink and the washing machine in the bedroom. How do you know a woman is about to say something smart? She says 'A man once told me...' What do you call a woman that has lost 99% of her intelligence? Divorced. What do you call a woman with half a brain? Gifted and dangerous. How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't need to, there's a clock on the oven. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be open when the woman brings it to him. Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to. A man leaves an add in a newspaper: 'Wife Wanted'. The next day there are hundreds of replies: 'Have mine'. Why did the woman cross the road? What the hell was she doing out of the kitchen! Suppose your wife and your mother in law were drowning... Would you get lunch or play golf? Why are women smarter during sex? Because they are plugged into a genius. What's the difference between the Loch Ness monster and a smart woman? The Loch Ness monster has been seen a few times. Why do women like smart men? Opposites attract. Why do women float better than men? Because they are scum. Why does it take longer to make a snowwoman rather than a snowman? Because you need to hollow out the head. Why are women and parking spots alike? The good ones are taken, the rest are disabled. What is the difference between a pig and a woman? There is one...? A man and a woman are engaged in foreplay, when the woman gasps 'Make me feel like a real woman'. The man takes off his shirt and says 'Iron this bitch!'. What is the difference between a pig and a fox? A slab of beer. Why don't women fart? Because they can't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up any pressure. What do you call a woman with some brain cells? Pregnant with a boy. Why do women have arms? Because it takes too long to lick the dishes clean. If your woman comes out of the kitchen to whine, then her chain is too long. A man, a smart woman, and Santa Claus see a $100 note. Who picks it up? The man. The other two don't exist. How many women does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them. What do you call a man who has lost 50 useless kilograms? Divorced. What do you do if the dishwasher breaks down? Hit her! Why did God create women? Because beer can't cook. ____________________________________________________ That'll do for now. No offense intended of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Yeah Posted August 2, 2002 Members Share Posted August 2, 2002 There were some real shockers in there.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WattsUrizen Posted August 3, 2002 Author Members Share Posted August 3, 2002 Originally posted by Yeah There were some real shockers in there.... That's the point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Deryck Posted August 3, 2002 Members Share Posted August 3, 2002 How many nigger slaves are needed to clean up 1000 toilets?- Not one. It's a woman's job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bulldawgu812 Posted August 3, 2002 Members Share Posted August 3, 2002 wow! those could be some of the most offensive jokes i have ever heard. BUT I LOVE THEM!!!!HEHE im gonna use a few of those tonight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WattsUrizen Posted August 4, 2002 Author Members Share Posted August 4, 2002 For a laugh, you can't beat those Arnold Schwarznegger prank calls. http://www.btinternet.com/~pir8/arnie/ Enjoy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SDO Posted August 5, 2002 Members Share Posted August 5, 2002 A chicken and an egg are laying in a bed smoking cigarrettes, the egg says, "Well I guess we just answered that question." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WattsUrizen Posted August 5, 2002 Author Members Share Posted August 5, 2002 Originally posted by SDO A chicken and an egg are laying in a bed smoking cigarrettes, the egg says, "Well I guess we just answered that question." LMAO! Haha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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