Deryck's new Lyrics...

[Deryck]

Please check them out. I'd like ANY kind of comments - may they be positive or negative.

 

 

Back to Square One

They say life's just a game

Sometimes I loose, sometimes others win

I think I can't pretend that I ever won

I wanna move my figure, but it has gone

 

Well, I guess I could change my name

But the game would still be the same

But I can't stay the way I am

I can't stay the way I am

 

I've been told "Life's just a game"

My editions show some blood stains

I throw my dices, and they get stuck

Who's the one that says "Good luck"?

 

Well, I guess I could change my name

But the game would still be the same

But I can't stay the way I am

I can't stay the way I am

 

They say life's just a game

I think I failed when I took aim

Not enough eyes on my dice

I would like to, but I can't throw twice

 

Well, I guess I could change my name

But the game would still be the same

But I can't stay the way I am

I can't stay the way I am

 

Is life really just a game

I asked as I threw again, and

Got to get back to Square One

Back to the point where it had begun

 

 

Some time has passed

 

Last night I woke up at 3. A.M.

In my dreams, I played in my band

That was when I saw you in the crowd

That was when I first sang it out

 

I'm driving a wet road, but forgot how to steer

But that doesn't matter, so let's change the gear

 

Some time has passed (some time has passed)

Some time has passed (some time has passed)

Some time has passed since I wrote my last song

 

This morning, emotions were in my head

I thried to say something, I mumbled instead

I don't think you got it, you looked too confused

Your friends didn't either, at least they were amused

 

I'm going back into the atmossphere

I may be lonely, but at least I am here

 

Some time has passed (some time has passed)

Some time has passed (some time has passed)

Some time has passed since I kissed my last girl

 

In the evening, I tried to get things straight

I tried to call you, but it was too late

Middle of the night, I'm standing at your door

Just to say "I can't take it anymore"

 

When I wanted it, I failed to do my worst

So, drive me home again, but stop at Vegas first.

 

Some time has passed (some time has passed)

Some time has passed (some time has passed)

Some time has passed since I wrote my last song

[Fat_Sachel]

Ive never been fond of the rhyming structure you got...

 

its like this...write a line then write another and rhyme the last 2 words...

 

Its like reading a nursery rhyme or something

 

my 2c

[Deryck]

Yeah, it's an easy way of writing, but it fits the melody I got in mind...

[moorehed]

one thing i notice is something i notice in my own writings sometimes... i write a rhyming stanza or whatever and look at it and say to myself that i copped out and wrote a cheesy rhyme. you know the standard, easy rhymes... the ones that seem so cliche...

 

for instance if i ever rhyme the words you and do then i want to kill myself.

 

i see some of this in your writing (don't kill yourself). like:

 

straight, late

same, name

game, aim

 

 

it might just be a personal thing, but when i see rhymes like these popping up more than occasionally it bothers me. occasionally is okay, cause it seems like the writer could be doing it on purpose, with a reason in mind, but if it's more than occasionally it seems as if the writers doing it because they can't think of anything better.

 

when i find myself doing this, i try to think of words that rhyme, but don't have the exact ending, like where you have game and stains... also, try finding words with more than one sylable to rhyme... for instance your rhyme amused/confused is headed in the right direction.

 

for instance, what if you made a few small changes to your last stanza:

 

 

Is life really just a game see the changes, what i became the changes now, must be undone Back to the point where it had begun

 

 

i'm no athority, but the rhymes seem a bit more subtle... just trying to help out. hope you don't take it the wrong way.

 

-josh

[Deryck]

Mhhh...thanks Dude.

 

I think what most people get wrong is, that I'm doing most of the annoying rhymes because I like to play with idioms...for example

"Deryck's the name, songwriting the game"...it's a common thing to say, so what I'm trying do is to rewrite them to get people think...and that's why I got these clich