Members ManWithThePlan Posted August 27, 2003 Members Share Posted August 27, 2003 disclaimer: these are the first lyrics ive ever written, so they may suck, be warned hardcore part: this song is a cliche a tribute to our hardcore ways about pain and suffering and government and humanity's sorry state this song is a cliche so smash the bottles and punch the face and jump around and ride the crowd and try hard to get hurt oi oi oi! emo part: this song is a cliche an homage to our emo ways 'cause the glass is half empty and tomorrow looks the same and this song is a cliche but they say that every wall's a door.. no {censored} it, life's too bleak it isnt worth it anyway chorus: and its tried and true read, its coming back to you every path just leads to another dead end of mistakes you are so different, but still you're just the same what you've done just never goes away it only stays ska part: this song is a cliche a reminder of our ska punk days when unity was in, we didn't understand caution and now this song is a cliche why can't you just let me be this room has no window but there is nothing i can see hey goddamn, im out of luck i just remembered, doesn't ska suck? give it up give it up give it up give it up! [sung ska style] chorus bridge: and how many times has it been done before? take the path more traveled, avoid the exit door the high road brings a chance that you just may lose the score integrity integrity we have no integrity cashing in and checking out get those feet on the floor chorus chorus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members UnskinnyBop Posted August 27, 2003 Members Share Posted August 27, 2003 I like that. Its a nice idea, a tongue in cheek swipe at people who have to be in a genre. In the first verse, maybe loose the leading "and" in the penultimate line, cos you're repeating that world a lot there, I think itd flow better. I think the rhyme in verse two ("ways" and "same") works really well, in what it says aswell, not just ryme for rhyme's sake. Very clever and original, I like it!! this song is a cliche an homage to our emo ways 'cause the glass is half empty and tomorrow looks the same Possibly Id want to change the chorus slightly: and its tried and true read, its coming back to you every path just leads to another dead end of mistakes you are so different, but still you're just the same what you've done just never goes away it only stays The long "every path" line is a bit awkward, maybe you can drop a few words out of that, and I think the last rhyme (away and stay) sounds a bit cliche...(wow, that rhymes too ) Maybe something like this might work better; You think you're so different, but still you're the same Hoping that with time you'll change But your past will still remain History wont ever go away Having said that, IMO, this song would work really well with a simple chorus that everyone will just sing along to, it seems like a really fun crowd-involved thing. Bear in mind, these are just my personal suggestions, and so you may well ignore them , but on the whole, I think the song is a great start, in a great style, so keep on writing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ManWithThePlan Posted August 27, 2003 Author Members Share Posted August 27, 2003 Thanks Unskinny! I'll work on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ManWithThePlan Posted September 4, 2003 Author Members Share Posted September 4, 2003 !pmuB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Joonboy Posted September 17, 2003 Members Share Posted September 17, 2003 I liked it alot, "a tongue in cheek swipe at people who have to be in a genre." which is prety much what my school and the culture is like. every path just leads to another dead end of mistakes doesn't seem to flow "this room has no window but there is nothing i can see" rest of great, i really liked the bridge to, make more! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ManWithThePlan Posted September 19, 2003 Author Members Share Posted September 19, 2003 Originally posted by Joonboy "this room has no window but there is nothing i can see" rest of great, i really liked the bridge to, make more! :D thats a reference to an operation ivy song:) theres some rites of spring references in there too heheh im so clever:o thanks!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members poiXoN Posted September 25, 2003 Members Share Posted September 25, 2003 If these are really your first lyrics then you are in luck. You definitely have a good instinct for writing. I find your ideas to be clever and inventive. Isn't creativity great?Keep writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ManWithThePlan Posted September 25, 2003 Author Members Share Posted September 25, 2003 Thanks everybody! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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