Some lyrics from travelling

[happycannibal]

I wrote these whilst travelling in India. No arrangement. Only 2 verses and a Chorus. Check em, don't ever wreck em.

 

 

"Boys Club"

 

What do you make of ten guys way up on a roof,

High on pride staring over at you?

Turban's so tight on my head I'm sweating sheets,

Nepalese kids running around to get the tea.

Swapping some tips about how to cheat on their wives,

And earn crazy karma the very same time.

Boy's Club's about to steal an apple pie,

Under the dry desert night we gonna ride!

 

Chorus

Well, I ain't never seen no dogs drinking chai tea,

Walking high in the grass 'twixt a cool breeze.

And I ain't never seen a hog with such sharp teeth,

Rolling down under the sun in his own stink.

 

Big boy's got a hotel for a play pen,

Makes his own rules, code names, and secrets.

Got a box full of toys you know not to look at,

Got a Hustler in Hindi, you know he really loves it.

And when he's done, who's going to clean up his mess?

Good boys are already chomping a the bit.

[Chicken Monkey]

This song doesn't really seem to flow on paper--it might be one of those songs that only works when it's set to music.

 

The chorus seems like something that would be fun to sing ONCE, and then would get older and older with each subsequent round through, which is probably the last thing you want in a chorus. Plus, doesn't "twixt" mean "between"? Can you walk high in the grass between a cool breeze?

 

I really like the second verse. Again, I can't get a sense for how it would flow/sound, but I really like the way you develop Big Boy's character--you give just enough information that I want to fill in the rest. It sucks me in. This would make a really good first verse.

[happycannibal]

thanks so much for the reply. I wrote these songs all travelling abroad, and it is interesting to find out if I wrote them without giving enough info, IE if the audience gets it or not.

 

As far as flow, youre quite right. The meter is kinda wierd on paper and takes some working to fit into song form, but it does. I can see where you would think that.

 

Regarding the word 'twixt', I dont really even know what it means. That word was used with the sole purpose of creating tone in the song and contributing to that type of back water sophistication. After learning from this forum that there may be some syntaxical (word?) difficulties with its placement, I will really consider changing it. It could be easily changed to 'in'.

 

Thanks for the kudos on V2. I tried to capture a uneasy perverse tone.

 

Great input, I will post the song when my band is done!

Any other interpretations would be appreciated!