Members Christopher Kai Posted February 25, 2007 Members Share Posted February 25, 2007 Here's a new song I've been working on. Let me know your thoughts- I plan on getting a demo done in Nashville to pitch it as a song. When she sings it at the top of her lungsI learn how to have a heart of praise Everynight when she says her prayersShe gives a blessing to her teddy bearAnd I learn how to have a heart of thanks Lord I want a faith like my child BShe asks me why God gives us our trashbasketsShe gives last weeks allowance as the offering plate goes past usIt's just two mites but I know it makes You smileLord I want a faith like my child CLord I learned how You love me when I became a fatherBut Lord I learn how to love You from my daughter BShe makes me a valentine in the middle of AugustShe "Easy Bakes" me some kinda' cake as my surprise for breakfastIt isn't edible so I pretend to chew it for awhileAnd I smileLord I want a faith like my Child TAG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bluesway Posted February 27, 2007 Members Share Posted February 27, 2007 he's back! right on, man...i love the 'i want faith like my child' line. it's poignant...i couldn't get the song to stream, so i'll stop it here, but i really liked your lyrics...as always Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sandman31774 Posted February 27, 2007 Members Share Posted February 27, 2007 I like it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members THBv2.0 Posted February 28, 2007 Members Share Posted February 28, 2007 I like it a lot, but I think you could come up with a better line that the "Tropical Skittles" line. There's something you could put in there that would have more to do with the over all theme. My .02 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mount trashmore Posted February 28, 2007 Members Share Posted February 28, 2007 it's not cool to shove your kid off the swing. we know that's really what happened+volunteer at jesus camp. that would be sweet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Christopher Kai Posted February 28, 2007 Author Members Share Posted February 28, 2007 he's back! right on, man...i love the 'i want faith like my child' line. it's poignant...i couldn't get the song to stream, so i'll stop it here, but i really liked your lyrics...as always Bluesway- thanks for your kind words, it has been a while. I'll tell you what happened: I had a surgery and have been in recovery for 2 months. Bed ridden for most of it. I don't have wireless so I haven't been online in ages. Really sorry to be out of the loop for so long! I like it a lot, but I think you could come up with a better line that the "Tropical Skittles" line. There's something you could put in there that would have more to do with the over all theme. Awww, man. That was my favorite line. Thanks for your .02, though, you can give me your money any time. it's not cool to shove your kid off the swing. we know that's really what happened LMAO. I will never be able to sing this song again- thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mount trashmore Posted February 28, 2007 Members Share Posted February 28, 2007 Bluesway- thanks for your kind words, it has been a while. I'll tell you what happened: I had a surgery and have been in recovery for 2 months. Bed ridden for most of it. I don't have wireless so I haven't been online in ages. Really sorry to be out of the loop for so long! Awww, man. That was my favorite line. Thanks for your .02, though, you can give me your money any time. LMAO. I will never be able to sing this song again- thanks. it happened to me when I was young. we never forget. hopefully you have some time to make up for it before its time for her to choose your nursing home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted March 1, 2007 Members Share Posted March 1, 2007 I really didn't like the lyrics on a read through. The performance sells it, and the melody is great, but I think the lyric is really corny. That tends to fly in the Comtemporary Christian market, but there's some seriously maudlin stuff in there. The details you provide are a little too Full House, you know? It sounds like you're phoning it in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pink floyd cramer Posted March 2, 2007 Members Share Posted March 2, 2007 I don't think it is too contemporary Christian at all- but maybe Christopher is aiming for that market. Anyway, top 40 country has plenty of songs about faith ("I Believe", "Angel With No Halo" etc). I think the strongest parts to the song are the first verse and the C section. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Christopher Kai Posted March 2, 2007 Author Members Share Posted March 2, 2007 I think the strongest parts to the song are the first verse and the C section. I agree 100% Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mount trashmore Posted March 2, 2007 Members Share Posted March 2, 2007 You should re-write the song and call it "I wish I hadn't pushed my daughter off the swing." Then you'd be honest, like chickenmonkey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted March 2, 2007 Members Share Posted March 2, 2007 You gotta' explain "phoning it in" though... It sounds like you wrote and rhymed the 15 first images that came to mind when you think about fathers and daughters. There are some specifics in there (Tropical Skittles, et al), but for the most part, those are the hacky, laundry detergent commercial parent-child situations. None of it seems genuine. Compare it to, say, "St. Judy's Comet" by Paul Simon. The other options for making the lyric interesting enough to deserve the melody are, as I see them, A) A double-meaning type tag line, which is something that shows up a lot in your stuff (such as Thank God for the Sun, I think it was called) or B) Approach the tag line from a different angle each verse. That Tim McGraw song "Don't Take the Girl", while being extremely calculated, did this well. That's how I feel about it, and you know what my opinion's worth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pink floyd cramer Posted March 3, 2007 Members Share Posted March 3, 2007 That Tim McGraw song "Don't Take the Girl", while being extremely calculated, did this well. With that song Tim McGraw singlehandedly proved there is no such thing as a song too maudlin/sentimental for the country market. Earlier country has a history of that type material but he brought it to the 90's. Sorry if I come off as a know-it-all but I played in and/or toured with country bands full-time for 13 years, 'preciate y'all for trying to write because few really make an effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted March 3, 2007 Members Share Posted March 3, 2007 With that song Tim McGraw singlehandedly proved there is no such thing as a song too maudlin/sentimental for the country market. Earlier country has a history of that type material but he brought it to the 90's. It's not my favorite, but everyone knows it and it is a good example of the point I was trying to illustrate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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