Merry Meet

[IanAlderman]

I see you ascend from afar

Beautiful elegance, so rich and dark

The ambrosia that drips from your voice

Makes you the sweetest drug of choice

I hear the purr of your breath

I feel the drip of your sweat

As I pull you closer, step by step

And descend into your depth

 

You come to me with smile and song

You tempt me and get what we want

Smooth satisfaction all night long

The two become one, interwoven

One soul, one blood, one coven

My precious is found in your cave

The wisdom gleaned from the sage

Sing with me and turn the page

 

I'm looking for peace

So I'm giving you my pieces

You have what I seek

The strength to my weakness

Without you I feel like an empty tomb

Even though I'll see you soon

I gaze in your eyes slow

You look in my mind and you know

You know as you feel me flow

Fast and hard you feel me go

Deep and hard I dig and grow

We're looking for peace

And find it with mutual release

[easilyspooked]

oh man that first stanza is gorgeous.

 

i'm not sure how one expresses the wilting sigh of romance using text on a forum, but man, that first stanza...

 

for my money it drops off a bit after that, the rhymes seem a bit more forced and perhaps not in quite the same meter, does this have music? would you consider stripping it down to just two stanzas of the strongest lines?

 

depending on the music, maybe sing out the last line (and find it with (in?) mutual release) then let the music go and call out an extended Mutual Release a couple of times, letting it stretch your voice in a way that would make women swoon.

 

also, i love the song/want rhyme.

[rhino55]

Wow... The only thing I have a problem with is "looking for peace so I give you pieces"

I think the idea it represents is great, but sung I think it would come across weak

 

Instead, I would probably opt for "looking to be made whole I give you pieces"

or something to that effect

[IanAlderman]

I appreciate the kind words Right now, I've written quite a bit of music and now, I'm having somewhat a lyrical bloom. These could work with something that I have written already, or it could work with an altogether different piece.

 

I think that with the change in meter, the song could start out in one timing, and maybe have a tempo change later on. The message is there, so taking out, and trimming it up would probably compromise what it is I'm trying to say here.

 

"Looking for peace so I'm giving you my pieces" could potentially be a weak spot in the production. The key is delivery. It could be sung in a weak rhaspy voice, and then have a climatic buildup, to which the song would have a powerful ending. At least, that's the current vision for the song at hand.

 

The weird thing about this, and Voluptate are that the last stanzas were written first before anything else in the song were written. It's been a helpful tool to construct the last stanza and work my way around that particular stanza.

[LeonardScaper]

Once again you've put up some really interesting writing.

 

I just worry a bit about how all of this will work when you do get around to putting it to music.

[IanAlderman]

What I plan on doing, is getting all the lyrics I've posted on HC together- some of them look like they can be a continuation, from one song to the next.

 

Some early works are short, angry lyrics, and some could be read as rap, as others are more poetry than anything. The masterplan is to put some of those short angsty things out first, so that an evolutionary progress can be seen. The stuff I wrote a year ago was very angry, and I chronicled the stages of life in a more abstract way back then- now, the lyrics seem to me that I'm moving on from an emotive state of spewing out anger, to harnessing my emotion, and creating vivid works. It's like I'm growing, and I'm starting to be at peace with myself.

 

After I play what I have, and sing with the guitar, I could see if it works or not. I wouldn't say that I'm worried, I'd say I presented myself with a challenge that could take time. I have been on a flowing stream as of late, but I don't rush anything I put my mind to. I'd say that it just depends on how much effort I put into this project. If I make it my passion, my life work, then it can turn out very rewarding in the end. If I just rush through for the sake of making a CD and some quick dollars that'll fade into obscurity, then I've missed the mark, and will have cheated myself out of an opportunity that I couldn't have afforded myself.

 

Leonard, nce again I appreciate the feedback and the concern

 

I'm looking forward to start doing the music to the words now- I feel inspired!