Members imtheking Posted October 28, 2009 Members Share Posted October 28, 2009 I got back from Camp Lagune I think is how you spell it. So I got inspired. Making wishes that may never come trueWant to satay, but it's not the right thing to doHugs and kissess just for your tripWhat I would just for a sip . . .Of your kiss I swear I'll be backI'll try to recoverJust one thingYou'll never go for anotherI'm feeling pressureIt's not the nervesTight gripI need to preserve CHORUS: I swear I'll be backJust to hold you againIt might be a whileBut with help we will winEven if I dieJust stop and thinkWould I want to see you crying for meEven if I dieIt's for the best of your lives In this camp of dreamsRight hereRight nowI must find the keyI'm not going downJust say those wordsIt will make my daySorryI just can't stayIn this camp of dreams Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members easilyspooked Posted October 28, 2009 Members Share Posted October 28, 2009 "What I would just for a sip . . .Of your kiss" i like this line a lot, it's very versitile and clear, you can sing it any number of fun ways. i like the chorus except for this line:"But with help we will win"something about the play between But and Help and the rampent W alliteration just doesn't sit well in my mouth. also you might consider taking the Camp Of Dreams theme a little further, it doens't come up til the end but it's a nice metaphor in the context of the song, maybe talk about waking up that day? knowing you might be kissing her for the last time in just a few hours, moving through breakfast, waiting for her to show up for the send off, maybe the narrator has a small child? lots of room here, good start! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members imtheking Posted October 28, 2009 Author Members Share Posted October 28, 2009 Thanks a lot. It is a work in progress. I am trying to think of what else to add. because I don't want to just come out and say what's going on. You know what i mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members easilyspooked Posted October 29, 2009 Members Share Posted October 29, 2009 i do, it's a fine line, perhaps purely as an exersize you should do a rewrite that is very literal, the best way to know how to go far enough is to go Way Too Far a time or two, then you can keep your original lyrics if you like them better, or mix 'n match. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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