Jump to content



Recommended Posts

  • Members



got a new song in progress, which finally arrived at a state where I'm willing to present it to get some other opinions on it.

Listen to it at Soundcloud.




It's 4 a.m.

You're awake

recapitalizing your life

what have you done?

What have you achieved?

What's the point in going through this over and over again

Is there anything worth all the trouble?

Worth all the pain?


You catch the train of thought and travel through the desert

Where barren lands meet the horizon

There is no green

No Life

Not even a patch of grass every now and then

Only dead land

Only emptiness



Follow me down to loneliness

Follow me down to emptiness

Treat yourself with disrespect

Follow me down to loneliness



It's 6 a.m.

You're still awake

Still aboard the train, traveling further into the void

Unable to leave the rails

Unable to turn around

Looking back, you discover distants spots of green

Precious moments of joy

Blurry visions of themselves


The sun rises

Time to get up

Time to open the curtains

You're exhausted


While passing the day, the train keeps moving

Waiting for you to jump up again

Waiting for you to give up


Ok, first of all thanks for listening (I know it's gotten pretty long). Some further comments:


Pending Ideas:

- Adding some leads to the distorted part

- Adding a solo on one of the distorted parts (piano and/or guitar)

- Adding some synth-textures on the clean parts


Subject to change:

- The Lyrics: I don't like any line, and I don't know if they focus a little bit too much on the "train of thought" metaphor. Moreover, I'm no native speaker, so any comments on grammar/vocabular errors are very welcome.

- The Outro: I'm not yet sure if I'll keep it. Scraping it would bring the song down to about 4:30, which isn't probably that bad. Moreover, I'm not 100% satisfied with the transition from the triads I play in the leads to the rythem part


Moreover, vocals and some guitar parts will probably get rerecorded. Or at least fixed so that all the guitars are tight. Also there will be quite some soundengeniering before I release a final mix.


Thx in advance for any comment! :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

It has a cool quality to it...I thought in the 2nd verse having just a bass come in, then onto how you have it going forward...the spoken words sound better than the vocal singing did...maybe stay on that for the whole song...some great sounds on the lead distorted guitars...overall this has great potential. The lyrics are fine for this style of song...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thx for commenting, and thx for liking it :)

Bass licks have benn on my todo list at some point during the recording process, but somehow I totally forgot about them. Gonna add some I think.

About the vocals: I don't think using spoken word entirely won't work. I need something with a little more "drive" during the chorus. Getting my first singing lessons tomorrow, maybe this will help me doing some better vocals on the chorus.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...