WIP: Falling to Pieces

[bee3]

Just did this one last night... its still in its infancy, so wide open to ideas here.

 

Click here to listen.

 

Falling to Pieces

I'm burning up

I'm losing touch

Now I can't feel you

 

My fever's up

My mind is such

That I can't see you

 

I'm falling to pieces now

I'm treading water somehow

 

I'm freaking out

I'm all strung out

Now I don't know you

 

Turn around

Turn around

I want to show you (how)

 

I'm falling to pieces now

I'm falling to pieces now

Somehow

 

I'm burning up

I'm losing touch

Now I can't feel you

 

My mind is such

My fever's up

And I can't see you

 

I'm falling to pieces now

I'm falling to pieces now

[MrQuin]

Sounds really good. Again - love the organ. From "I'm freaking out" on drums, piano, strings? Maybe, later in the song, you could add backing vocals to the chorus (the somehow part), an extra line singing something different in the lower register... for example re-visiting the lines I'm burning up, I'm losing touch, my fever's up, my mind is such, I'm freaking out, I'm all strung out - all these lines sung on the trot. Building this section towards the climactic end.

[bee3]

Thanks MrQuin... I'm definitely feeling a build up... If I record this for real, I'll have drums... and get a real guitarist on there to do a climactic solo outro kind of thing... maybe cut out the last verse and chorus and just have someone wail. I like your idea for the vocals on the chorus... I may try that on this demo.

 

Organ is kind of my thing. I think every song needs a lil' organ.

[Oswlek]

You're not one to hide your influences, are you Justin? This feels a lot like one of the spacey numbers off "The Wall". Hell, it could be a not-so-distant cousing to "Don't Leave Me Now", even lyrically.

 

Then it seems to bridge to "Momentary Lapse of Reason" for a few bars when the lead comes and the organ intensifies. Surprised you didn't escalate that more. You clearly aren't writing for radio with this one and anyone who made it that far certainly deserves a few more measures of rip-roaring solo action.

 

The harmonies on "now" and "somehow" are great. Definitely have something to build on there.

 

There really isn't much of a story, but that doesn't bother me too much. The lyrics describe a pretty universal feeling that most can fill in the blanks. That said, in order for that to work you do need to compell them on with the music and right now it doesn't quite pull it off. Are you planning on keeping this one bare bones or is it just an earlier version than you've displayed before?

[bee3]

You're not one to hide your influences, are you Justin? This feels a lot like one of the spacey numbers off "The Wall". Hell, it could be a not-so-distant cousing to "Don't Leave Me Now", even lyrically. Then it seems to bridge to "Momentary Lapse of Reason" for a few bars when the lead comes and the organ intensifies. Surprised you didn't escalate that more. You clearly aren't writing for radio with this one and anyone who made it that far certainly deserves a few more measures of rip-roaring solo action. The harmonies on "now" and "somehow" are great. Definitely have something to build on there. There really isn't much of a story, but that doesn't bother me too much. The lyrics describe a pretty universal feeling that most can fill in the blanks. That said, in order for that to work you do need to compell them on with the music and right now it doesn't quite pull it off. Are you planning on keeping this one bare bones or is it just an earlier version than you've displayed before?

Thanks Oswelek... this is most definitely a first take. I wrote it and recorded it in the same few hour stretch. Definitely looking to build on this... and I hear this one soaring. I'm not really worried about length on this one either. Regarding the solo... I played that solo and I am NOT a guitarist... even doing that took like 20 takes. I just bought my first electric guitar 2 weeks ago, which incidentally, is how I found this site (I was looking for feedback on the guitar I bought). I hear an extended solo with maybe some chord changes worked in there to keep it interesting.

 

If I take this into the studio, there'd be a lot of the same instrumentation (organ, electric piano, electric and acoustic guitars... I think drums and bass would add a lot of dynamics here, maybe some acoustic piano as well).

 

Thanks for the comments!