Original Song - Rusty Chains

[Vlad_M]

This is a very simple song, it just cycles through E-A7-B7 for every line and there are no choruses or any fancy things.

 

Rambled outta town, down the road I am bound, I see no direction home

You said to me, I cannot belive, you're-a goin down that way all alone

The roosters they sing as the dawn greets me, my feet pound in time with the dust

I'll ramble in stride I got nothin to hide, in my clothes of dead ancient rust

 

Don't say please, and don't you beg me, I've long since made up my mind

I'll fold up my will, like an old dollar bill, if on this road I happen to die

If by chance I'm deceased, leave the can of old grease, and the silver coin to my son

But if I survive, I'll be well and alive, and I'll owe not a thing to no one

 

My future unwinds, my past far behind, fate paves my long winding trail

Like an eagle who glides, rusty chains I survived, unbinding them I did not fail

And the sparrows fly, they dart by then they hide, much like your wavering love

Don't want apologies, get on up off your knees, your judgement shall come from above

 

The mountains will moan as past them I roam, looking for some peace of mind

I struggle to see what you want out of me, and the life that I'm leaving behind

It once was a dream, now a broken down scheme, the evening we shared our vows

I did all I could, but I failed to find good, in sorrow now i must drown

 

I'll ramble all around, become one with the ground, and the sky that is now my roof

I'm no good at goodbyes, wipe the tears from your eyes, I owe you no burden of proof

I broke rusty chains that have caused me great pain, but time waits for no one you see

so long and farewell, I still wish you well, but its now time to just let me be

[rhino55]

There is some great stuff in here, but the opening line could be stronger. If my assumption is correct and this has a folky upbeat delivery, you can probably get away with it. Rambling, down the road, and no direction home all work in the genre. It is sort of like saying you got the blues in a blues song. Expected. Might be good, might be bad. Up to you to sell it.

 

Only other thing that jumps out to me is it seems "But if I survive" should be 'As long as I survive.'

[jharley]

Love it, the only piece I don't get is "my feet pound in time with the dust." I am having a hard time picturing that in my head, b/c I don't know how dust pounds nor keeps time. What about "my feet pound out time in the dust" or "my feet keep time in the dust" or if you need an extra syllable "my footsteps keep time in the dust."