Members bee3 Posted March 13, 2012 Members Share Posted March 13, 2012 Oh, Bee, I guess I could handle an Eagles hoodie, but I'd set myself on fire before donning any {censored}ing Giants paraphernalia! Ha. Well, Eli got it done... hard to argue with his success. Trust me, I can't stand the Giants, but it is what it is. They made us all look bad. I hope the Eagles Front Office learned something from their run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted March 13, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 13, 2012 Alright, so where are we... Alterations to come 1) Cut the intro down (), though I'm likely to add a fade in to give the song a feel as if it's been played a while. 2) Write an abridged version of the interlude after the first chorus. Right now, I run through the progression twice, so there is no way to cut it down to 1/4 without doing something different. 3) Pare the middle interlude down to three passes 4) Perhaps use that same abridge post-chorus interlude after the middle. 5) Cut out the second chorus stanza at the end. 6) Perhaps completely rewrite the lyrics, perhaps not. The first 5 should get the song under 4:00 (still around 3:50, though) and #6 is still up in the air. I hope those asking for more lyrical depth can provide a little specifics on where and how. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted March 16, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 16, 2012 Had a couple ideas driving home. 1) Start the intro at the 0:20 mark of this vid. I think that makes a decent little open, though I'd probably thicken it up a little by plucking anpther string or two each time. 2) Continuing on the water theme of the second verse, this popped into my head for the second bridge Don't let the waves crash around youYou know I'll be there soon Phonetically, I love it. It is so similar to the first one (don't let the walls close around you) you even have identical w/c placement. The problem is when you look into the deeper meaning. Who has control over the waves? How am I supposed to not allow that to happen? So I thought of a couple alternatives. Oh as the waves crash around you or Don't fear the waves crashing around you Am I onto something here? If so, which is the best alternative? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Marshal Posted March 16, 2012 Members Share Posted March 16, 2012 . . . , If you could give a sample of what might be considered "digging deeper" it might help. Is the second verse - where virtually nothing actually happens - the problem? Or do the issues start right from the getgo? . . . , Damn ! Put my feet to the fire, will you? I'd much rather leave a silver bullet on the table and just ride into the sunset. . . . , hhmmmm. I'll think about it. Without going back to your song, I'd say in general, I like to see some specific people details. I like to hear some specific details about a story that let me form am image of the people in the story. Who are these people? That makes it more memorable for me. But opinions are like a$$holes. Everybody's got one. LCk & Lee's comments are relavant. That, a song like "Bridge over Troubled Waters" never digs deeper into the characters involoved. And it was quite popular and successful. But, as much as I love Paul Simon (and i do) I have always thought that was one of his weakest songs. Great melody. Great music. So-so, ho-hum lyrics. I would much prefer Richard Corey. BAM, that's a lyric (story stolen as it was) that delivers. Or a song like, The Boxer. I can conjure up a real image of; In a clearing stands a boxer and a fighter by his trade. And he carries the reminders of every club that clapped him till he cried out in his anger and his shame, "I am leaving. I am leaving." But the fighter still remains. . . . , WOW. That's an image I'll hold on to for life. (Bridge over troubled water puts me to sleep). So, I'm not going to tell you to do anything. Just offer a point of view in general. I don't expect you to follow what I say, unless it speaks to you. Though I will try to look through the lyric again later today and give a couple of simple possibilities of what I might consider to personalize it if i were working on it. Take it or leave it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Matximus Posted March 16, 2012 Members Share Posted March 16, 2012 It's nice. It's put togther well. The playing & melody. Good job. I'd consider tigthening up the length, particularly if you want it to hold legs as live material. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted March 16, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 16, 2012 It's nice. It's put togther well. The playing & melody. Good job. I'd consider tigthening up the length, particularly if you want it to hold legs as live material. Thanks, Max. It will be getting gutted something fierce, definitely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted March 16, 2012 Members Share Posted March 16, 2012 The problem is when you look into the deeper meaning. Who has control over the waves? How am I supposed to not allow that to happen? So I thought of a couple alternatives. You're being too literal. The song isn't about actual waves, is it? It's about feelings that can take hold of you and sweep you away like an undertow. "Don't let the waves crash around you" is a really good line. If I were you I'd keep it. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members animalwithin Posted March 17, 2012 Members Share Posted March 17, 2012 Oswlek, great song! And the back story, WOW! Amazing how life presents us with material haha. I like it. This is just me and my extreme pickiness with music but I like it when the chorus picks up tempo and sounds stronger than the verses, rather than the same speed throughout. I loved the song though and the lyrics are beautiful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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