Members Mahuska Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 I just did this today please wait for the hook I think it builds. I don't know LyricsI wandered from a battfield with such regets I wanted to to detest what I had to doIt's me or him had a family what I could I do I saw this Lad that was missing a girl friend He wanted to write home I made it out. Writing in a special way.It can't be sold in anyway that comfortableNow I fear I must share the truth hard to endear How do you know oh oh Must be a simple man that can not understandhe takes this final stand cuz really can Must be a simple man that can not understandhe takes this final stand cuz really can Must be a simple man that can not understandhe takes this final stand cuz really can SChttp://soundcloud.com/mahuska/a-soldier-song Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 Hey man This has some good bits..... vocally you seemed to really find your groove AND voice in that end section .... almost going a little bowie-esque If you could somehow get yourself into that place for the whole song it would be a big improvement I like it as an idea If possible... could you take a bit more time writing your lyrics on here, a lot of mistakes made it hard to follow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mahuska Posted April 13, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 Hey man This has some good bits..... vocally you seemed to really find your groove AND voice in that end section .... almost going a little bowie-esque If you could somehow get yourself into that place for the whole song it would be a big improvement I like it as an idea If possible... could you take a bit more time writing your lyrics on here, a lot of mistakes made it hard to follow Thanks. Would you believe I lost a screw from my reading glasses. For a quick used tape. I'll correct them today many typos. I wrote this rather quickly and will work on the song's development Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 I agree with Stick. It has some interesting melodic elements. And the story seems to mean something, I'm just not sure what that is, partly because of the typos but partly because of the lyric itself. For instance, you wrote: "Now I fear I must share the truth hard to endear." Did you mean hard to endure, as in hard to take, hard to deal with? Because what you've written isn't grammatical, which is okay, but it seems to mean the truth is "hard to influence someone to love you." Do you write the music and lyric together, while playing guitar chords? Do you ever sit and write out the lyric at some point, by itself, and make notes and changes? How do you work? LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 Stick nailed it. Figure out a way to stay in that Bowie-style place (not necessarily that musical or melodic spot, but the delivery) and you'd be on to something. The electric bits are damn cool. FWIW, whenever I find myself asking people to wait for the hook, I know the song isn't done. While I don't agree that you need to get in and get out in 2:00 laying down hook after hook, you still need the song itself to compell the listener to stick around. Anything short of that is unacceptable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mahuska Posted April 13, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 Thanks a lot you guys. I value your input. LCK I usually just play and jot down song ideas, some sort of lyric or meaning. I went back and forth with "endear and endure, honestly lost in the moment as recording in Computer Daw has it pitfalls, I messed up. I didn't want to lose it as I can't read Music and use my ears. Not but only a few songs were "developed" from the lyrics first. It would really be cool and help me to have another person/musicianwhile this occurs, but I don't have that. I use this forum as an alternative to grow as I really want too.Oswlek I too will take your suggestions and will try and employ them this weekend.I am sorry that I may share songs or ideas in such a primitive way. Thanks for your patience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 Thanks a lot you guys. I value your input. LCK I usually just play and jot down song ideas, some sort of lyric or meaning. I went back and forth with "endear and endure, honestly lost in the moment as recording in Computer Daw has it pitfalls, I messed up. I didn't want to lose it as I can't read Music and use my ears. Not but only a few songs were "developed" from the lyrics first. It would really be cool and help me to have another person/musician while this occurs, but I don't have that. I use this forum as an alternative to grow as I really want too. Oswlek I too will take your suggestions and will try and employ them this weekend. I am sorry that I may share songs or ideas in such a primitive way. Thanks for your patience. Woah! Don't be sorry, that is what this forum is for! If I gave you the impression that was wrong, I apologize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 I am sorry that I may share songs or ideas in such a primitive way. We all do that in one way or another. But you definitely have talent. Keep it up! LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mahuska Posted April 14, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 14, 2012 We all do that in one way or another. But you definitely have talent. Keep it up!LCK Inspiration, I thanks you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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