Newbie nerves

[BumbleBb]

I really don't know where to put it, here or in the finished works thread for this month. It's not polished by any means, performance/recording wise. But I think I'm done with the writing part. And like Monkey Uncle says, maybe I'm not done but just think I am. Maybe I'll just leave it here, since I've already been rambling on this thread about posting it. Hopefully this is not a big no-no/songwriting-forum faux pas. If it is, I can remove it and post it elsewhere.

 

Okay I have to preface with all my disclaimers, can't sing in tune well, can't play well, plus I'm congested today and in the middle of dental work which makes it harder to sing, and my hand is sweaty and my pick keeps moving around! Okay. The song, in this version I left out one verse after the first chorus accidentally but overall this is it. Normally there's be another verse after the first chorus and the second chorus would come in one verse earlier than it does in this version. Please excuse the sirens and my sniffling in the beginning (sorry! gross), I didn't notice it till after I already had put it up. No comments on my performance please, I know it's lacking. Thank you.

 

http://db.tt/PigF3CPd

[Monkey Uncle]

It sounds like you've got a good handle on how to put together a song in the basic American folk idiom. The part you call a chorus sounds like a bridge to me, but it seems o.k. where you have it located in the song.

Can you post the lyrics? I could not hear them, so I couldn't really tell anything about the subject matter of the song.

Congratulations! You posted your first song! Now that you have that out of the way, the next one should be easier, right?

[BumbleBb]

It sounds like you've got a good handle on how to put together a song in the basic American folk idiom. The part you call a chorus sounds like a bridge to me, but it seems o.k. where you have it located in the song. Can you post the lyrics? I could not hear them, so I couldn't really tell anything about the subject matter of the song. Congratulations! You posted your first song! Now that you have that out of the way, the next one should be easier, right?

Thanks Monkey Uncle. Can you tell me what makes it more of a bridge than a chorus, I really have no idea. Posting lyrics, hmm, maybe I will. That's another thing I'm hesitant about!

[peanutroad]

 

Posting lyrics, hmm, maybe I will. That's another thing I'm hesitant about!

 

Yeah, lyrics please. Let us have a look at just what's going on in that song.

[BumbleBb]

 

Yeah, lyrics please. Let us have a look at just what's going on in that song.

 

 

Thanks for asking Peanutroad and Monkey Uncle. Here they are.

http://db.tt/C1iA64JG

[Monkey Uncle]

 

Thanks Monkey Uncle. Can you tell me what makes it more of a bridge than a chorus, I really have no idea. Posting lyrics, hmm, maybe I will. That's another thing I'm hesitant about!

 

 

I think it's the melody note you're singing when you start it off. I haven't figured out what note that is, but it sounds like a 'high tension' note when contrasted against the chord you're playing. A chorus is typically about tension release rather than tension building. I don't have a very good ear or theory background, so I can't really put my finger on it beyond that.

 

I like the lyrics. They flow nicely and tell a good story. Based on the structure of the lyrics, I'd say "feeling like the weather tonight" is a refrain and the "is gonna get better sometime" acts like a bridge.

 

It's a decent song and you shouldn't be shy about singing out so people can hear it. Don't worry if you're a little out of tune.

[Canvas]

You've got talent. Your technical ability isn't there yet but it'll get better (no pun intended). I got a little bit lost in the rhythm, but maybe it's just because that was my first listen. Your lyrics are good, or at least I like them a lot. They sound nice and they don't feel forced. Way to go!

[BumbleBb]

I think it's the melody note you're singing when you start it off. I haven't figured out what note that is, but it sounds like a 'high tension' note when contrasted against the chord you're playing. A chorus is typically about tension release rather than tension building. I don't have a very good ear or theory background, so I can't really put my finger on it beyond that. I like the lyrics. They flow nicely and tell a good story. Based on the structure of the lyrics, I'd say "feeling like the weather tonight" is a refrain and the "is gonna get better sometime" acts like a bridge. It's a decent song and you shouldn't be shy about singing out so people can hear it. Don't worry if you're a little out of tune.

 

Hmm, that's interesting, because initially I was thinking of that part more like a chorus but then I decided it really wasn't and that the song was too monotonous so I added the part you refer to as a bridge, thinking that would be a chorus. I just added it as a placeholder, but felt okay enough with it to keep.

 

The note vs. the chord might just be a product of poor singing, rather than an intended thing in the song. In fact, it probably is the case I'm guessing. Next time if there is one I'll try to sing louder. It was hard being congested and with some in-progress dental work that was affecting my speech. Thanks for your input Monkey Uncle.

 

I was thinking about the very last part (not sure what to even call that part). Thinking of maybe changing the lyrics, or I don't know. I wonder if it even needs that part at all?

 

How do the chords seem, do they seem to work fine?

[LCK]

Cool song. It reminds me of some of the Basement Tapes stuff, especially "Clothesline Saga."

 

 

 

Thanks for the info on your dental work. That explains the mumblie-ness of the vocal.

 

I don't know if it's intentional, but the off-center way you have of singing the vocal is very interesting. You seem to be singing on the off beats, or between the beats. I don't know, but it's very endearing.

 

LCK

[BumbleBb]

 

Cool song. It reminds me of some of the Basement Tapes stuff, especially "Clothesline Saga." Thanks for the info on your dental work. That explains the mumblie-ness of the vocal. I don't know if it's intentional, but the off-center way you have of singing the vocal is very interesting. You seem to be singing on the off beats, or between the beats. I don't know, but it's very endearing. LCK

 

 

That was a really interesting song LCK, thanks for sharing, I'd never heard it. I think I probably may mumble normally too, but I was even more mumbly from dental work and nasal congestion.

 

Hmm, was I singing off beat on purpose? I don't think I consciously thought of it like that, but yeah I think that's how that song came out to me. I tried playing it again and it seems to be the way I do that one. But it could also just have to do with poor playing maybe too, I guess I can't be certain. I don't think my other songs are like that though so I think this song just came to me that way.

[Monkey Uncle]

 

I was thinking about the very last part (not sure what to even call that part). Thinking of maybe changing the lyrics, or I don't know. I wonder if it even needs that part at all? How do the chords seem, do they seem to work fine?

 

 

I'm not sure what to call that part either, though I didn't see any major issues with it. I think it works o.k. with or without it.

 

As for the chords, you can't go wrong with I-IV-V. I didn't notice any other chords; if there were others, they seemed fine to me.

[BumbleBb]

 

I'm not sure what to call that part either, though I didn't see any major issues with it. I think it works o.k. with or without it. As for the chords, you can't go wrong with I-IV-V. I didn't notice any other chords; if there were others, they seemed fine to me.

 

Thanks Monkey Uncle. I'll probably let this one sit a while and maybe revisit it in some time and see if I want to change anything.

I had an A in there too but I think it worked okay.