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What do y'all think of these lyrics?

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  • What do y'all think of these lyrics?

    Here's something I wrote, and actually recorded with some friends. If we had a better singer it would help (I'm the bassist). Anyhow, tell me what you think of these lyrics. I tried to not make them too poppy:

    You didn't seem that special, you were just another friend.
    I never thought that I'd see what I saw in the end.
    I should have told you sooner the way you made me smile.
    Instead I took for granted that you'd be here for a while.
    (Chorus)
    If only I had known
    What you meant to me.
    If only I had known
    What I'd finally see (in you.)

    You left one winter morning when the earth was standing still.
    I watched the rain drops falling, on my rusted windowsill.
    It took me quite a long time to realize what I'd lost.
    The emptiness inside me, chilled like winter frost.

    (Chorus)
    If only I had known
    What you meant to me.
    If only I had known
    What I'd finally see.
    If Only I had known (x4)

    (Bridge)
    I would have brought you closer,
    Or maybe set you free.
    I would have let you choose and hoped you'd end up choosing me.

    (solo)

    You didn't seem that special, you were just another friend.
    I never thought that I'd see what I saw in the end.
    I should have told you sooner the way you made me smile.
    Instead I took for granted that you'd be there for a while.

    (Chorus)
    If only I had known
    What you meant to me.
    If only I had known
    What I'd finally see.
    If Only I had known (x4)
    <div class="signaturecontainer">7/15/04 Winner!! Funkee1 forumite mp3 of the day, for the song <br />
    <a href="http://www.personal.utulsa.edu/~adam-leeper/" target="_blank">Fireworks.</a><br />
    <div class="bbcode_container">
    <div class="bbcode_quote">
    <div class="quote_container">
    <div class="bbcode_quote_container"></div>

    <i>Originally posted by Kiwiburger </i><br />
    <b><br />
    Macs are a safer bet for people who have this attitude:<br />
    Stuff this techie stuff, i'm an <i>artiste</i> - here is my American Express Card young man - give me a system that works and matches my hair. </b>

    </div>
    </div>
    </div> </div>

  • #2
    I like 'em! especially the middle verse.

    Comment


    • #3
      I like them very much. Definately keeper lyrics.

      Comment


      • #4
        I like them. Can I be picky ?

        Yes?....... Okay, about the second verse....

        I'd change the first "winter" to "icy", "snowy", or perhaps "bitter".

        I think using the word "winter" twice is a bad idea when there's so many other potential adjectives.

        Otherwise, they're good.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Kingnome
          I like them. Can I be picky ?

          Yes?....... Okay, about the second verse....

          I'd change the first "winter" to "icy", "snowy", or perhaps "bitter".

          I think using the word "winter" twice is a bad idea when there's so many other potential adjectives.

          Otherwise, they're good.


          That was the suggestion I had too. Otherwise they look good.

          Good Luck.

          Alwayz MisBhavin
          <div class="signaturecontainer">Alwayz MisBhavin<br />
          <br />
          Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything. - Plato<br />
          *******************<br />
          Be - As a page that aches for a word<br />
          Which speaks on a theme that is timeless... Neil Diamond </div>

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Kingnome
            I like them. Can I be picky ?

            Yes?....... Okay, about the second verse....

            I'd change the first "winter" to "icy", "snowy", or perhaps "bitter".

            I think using the word "winter" twice is a bad idea when there's so many other potential adjectives.

            Otherwise, they're good.


            I give my vote for bitter..

            Otherwise.. I really like that song!
            <div class="signaturecontainer">www.soulsticeband.net</div>

            Comment


            • #7
              Bitter is always better

              Comment

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