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A Germ Of Something (1/28)

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  • A Germ Of Something (1/28)

    Hey Stephen

    Don't stay cooped up in the house
    Get outside once a day
    It's ok to talk to strangers
    But don't trust what they say
    And if you're not comfortable
    If your mind is going astray
    Ask the little voice inside
    Is this really insane?

    And if it is, that's ok
    Just say you have to go
    Walk, don't run, and call my cell
    When you get back home.
    You've made lots of progress
    I'm really proud of you
    Take your meds and trust your friends
    We're here to help you through.

    Argh, here it comes again
    I don't like the way this feels
    Here it comes again
    Here it comes
    Here it comes

    Why did you say that?
    That's just insane.
    Why did you do that?
    That's just insane.
    Why did you think that?
    I'm going insane.

    If you are, that's ok
    Just say you have to go
    Walk, don't run, and call my cell
    When you get back home.
    You've made lots of progress
    I'm really proud of you
    Take your meds and trust your friends
    We're here to help you through.

    Lyrics Songs Demos Videos Covers Dj Facebook Tumblr

    Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.

    -Coco Chanel

  • #2

    rsadasiv wrote:

    Hey Stephen

    Don't stay cooped up in the house


    ...


    We're here to help you through.


    I think you're on to something good here.

    However, I think that when you set up three open-A rhymes in a row -- day, say, astray -- and then end that series on an A-sound followed by a consonant -- insane -- it's a bit jarring.

    Maybe it's just the use of the word insane, which may be a bit too on-the-nose.

    But again, it's nice work, an interesting topic told in a kind off off-center way.

    "I write from a different place. I do not even know what it is called, or if it has a name. It just comes and I sculpt it. But it is also a lot of hard work." —Van Morrison

    Comment


    • rhino55
      rhino55 commented
      Editing a comment

      LCK wrote:

      rsadasiv wrote:

      Hey Stephen

      Don't stay cooped up in the house


      ...


      We're here to help you through.


      I think you're on to something good here.

      However, I think that when you set up three open-A rhymes in a row -- day, say, astray -- and then end that series on an A-sound followed by a consonant -- insane -- it's a bit jarring.

      Maybe it's just the use of the word insane, which may be a bit too on-the-nose.

      But again, it's nice work, an interesting topic told in a kind off off-center way.


      I think it could work if you really streched out the A-sound.

       

       


  • #3

    Is there a link to the song?

    "Now and then... occasionally... it seems to have.... too many notes"

    Comment


    • Oswlek
      Oswlek commented
      Editing a comment

      I like it.  The very beginning of the chorus has a great flow to it and you can feel the lift even without music.  The "take your meds" line felt a little too on-the-nose for me, but otherwise it hit home.



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