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feedback wanted


ebowist

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hi guys! Im not new to the forum, but i don't post very often.

Well I have written quite a few songs, but most of them suck, but this is one of my favorites(but it sucks too). It doesnt have the traditional song pattern, it is a rather "progressive" piece of work, with lots of tempo and chord changes. wish i could post the music.

 

 

 

dark circles you call eyes

i'll lose myself

and die

in this place where the rain falls

it always falls on me

perfectly

you were never mine to be

shining on high

reflecting

in fire

i sleep

threw this away

onto your youth

into pure hatred

now into you

so faithful

so blue

wonder now

wandering

this blame

it falls on me

I am the cause of your suffering

I am the feelings in the sea

why won't you leave this where it longs to be

in the depths of your hearts purity

no one ever understands

no one ever really cares

only God knows who i am

only He knows what i am

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It looks a lot more like poetry than lyrics to me. And although I dont really read poetry, this caught my eye. Usually I'll read something over, and either I don't like it and don't post, or I read it over a few times because of something.

 

If it actually fits into the song, then that's even better.

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dark circles you call eyes

i'll lose myself and die

in this place where the rain falls

it always falls on me

perfectly

you were never mine to be

shining on high reflecting

in fire i sleep

threw this away onto your youth

into pure hatred

now into you

so faithful so blue

wonder now wandering

this blame it falls on me

I am the cause of your suffering

I am the feelings in the sea

why won't you leave this where it longs to be

in the depths of your hearts purity

no one ever understands

no one ever really cares

only God knows who i am

only He knows what i am

 

 

there, thats the way i sing it, more or less. Hey AlwayzMisBhavin, what part of maryland do you live in? I live in Virginia, near D.C.

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well, haha, thats kinda a hard question to answer. I suppose its rock. I guess a new incarnation of alt. rock, yet its not alt rock, I would call it gothic, yet I hate connotation that goes with that. Perhaps poetic-rock would be a good name to call it. I dunno i dont really think about what to my style, its such a conglomeration of different things its hard pin down exactlty.

Im sure that did not help at all. :(

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well sydfan, you may be right. You see, when I write my songs, they are spur of the moment inspiration, I dont think about what I am writing I just write. Then afterwards I adjust things that dont fit etc. So at the time, I normally don't know what I am writing about, I just write the words. So I like to think about what I wrote, and the different possibilities of meanings. You bring up a good point, and I think im inclined to agree with you. Confused? :p (i know im wierd, and yes I am a christian)

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