New song, new user

Please be open minded when you read my lyrics. Not for the faint of religion.

What was asked of me (Thirty pieces of Silver?)

V1

Iscariot, what have you done?

Betrayal is in your eyes

My life for thirty pieces of silver

No one wants to leave the new guy a comment? Whats up with that?

We've got about a 7-day news cycle here. Give it time. Things take a little longer on Songwriting Forum. I'll try to comment later today.

I am not familiar with the religious allusion involved, which renders my comment untainted ? hope.I am not a religious persona either.

I liked the verbal flow and frequency.But,for me, despite the love motif, it lacks the human intererst.The allusion is too paramount restricts the semantic potential and precludes any other interpretation.

An artistic representation of an historical phenomenon is itself a kind of reproduction and sometimes redundant.the less obvious the allusion the more it gets polisemic.

Of course, when my suggestions are taken seriously, the lyric may endanger its intended message.My mind is more apt to personal history than reproduced one, thats all.also ? may have misinterpreted everything due to my ignorance of the implied background.

Thank you for your honesty. In retrospect I can see how your interpretation came about. Without knowing the history of the story it would lose the illusionment. Judas Iscariot was one of the 12 disciples of Jesus Christ. He is the one who betrayed Jesus to the religious leaders of the day. Also the taboo of the lord of the christians having a gay relationship with his betrayer may not have been the best way to approach the theme I was trying to reach. All in all I think I will rework the songs theme structure and keep on treking.

the man-loving jesus. damn! that'll get some attention! for the sheer offensiveness of it alone, i love it!

I didn't even realize that you were implying a gay relationship on first read. The Bible is so thick with comparisons to love relationships/marriages that I flew through the "lover" bit.

I think that this song, when sung, whould get really dull. It's an interesting idea, but the execution needs more work. The verses are really short, the chorus is repeated ad nauseum, and there is not a lot of interest beyond the story (i.e., no poetic devices, no humor, just story).

Was this inspired by the recently discovered "Gospel of Judas"? They discovered a 3rd-century copy of text apparently contemporaneous with Biblical writings. The gist is pretty much as you stated: Judas fulfilled an essential role in the Messianic story by turning Jesus over to his captors.

Yes a combination of that and the underlying theme of Dracula 2000 whereas Vlad the Impaler was actually Judas Iscariot. I am currently reworking the song to include a little more of the aformentioned poetic devices. I don't really want a humorous theme. I also agree that the chorus needs help. Thanks for the constructive criticism.

Any mp3?

NO mp3 yet. I am currently re-working the lyrics. I will have ione up as soon as possible. Keep checking on

http://www.myspace.com/30pieces