Members kaybee Posted October 3, 2007 Members Share Posted October 3, 2007 its a beautiful thingShe treats me good and keeps me comfortableShe gots a new lookAlso strong, stable and reliableNever gets mad if i dont callNever gets mad if i dont come homeBut when im home, im in my roomSitting on her, writting this tune I don't got a girlfriend, i don't careAs long as i got my writting chairI'll be happy (I'll Be Happy) I feel in love with this new girlWhen we touch she takes me to another worldWhere im happy (I'm Happy) No matter how im feelingShe takes me to extacyBody above the clouds, Then slowly comes my feetThe feeling i get Is soo unexplainableOnly thing thats certainMy writting becomes soo graceful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mat O'D Posted October 3, 2007 Members Share Posted October 3, 2007 O.K I like the first verse. Everything fit's, goes well and it's pretty simple.However you contradict yourself in the second verse you say you don't have a girlfreind but you don't care. Then in the begining of the 3rd verse you say you have a new girlfriend. (maybe make this clearer). This means by the time you get to the 3rd verse it's unclear if you are writing about your chair or a girl. It's nicely set out but you could make the lyrics clearer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dubb Posted October 3, 2007 Members Share Posted October 3, 2007 I thought it was pretty clear that he was writing about the chair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mat O'D Posted October 3, 2007 Members Share Posted October 3, 2007 I thought it was pretty clear that he was writing about the chair. I think it's just a bit of confusion when he contradicts himself that's all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kaybee Posted October 3, 2007 Author Members Share Posted October 3, 2007 Yeah in know what you mean Mat.. I trying to make it seem like the chair is my new girl.. but there is a bit of contradictory there. I see what is meant.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bluesway Posted October 3, 2007 Members Share Posted October 3, 2007 yeah, i'm actually with mat. you use "girl" in two contexts...one literal and one figurative. you CAN play with this, but i'm not feeling like you're doing a good enough job of it right now. a little uncertainty is a good thing for the reader sometimes; it just has to be carefully done.. you might do well to keep the "she" in the last part of the song and get rid of the mention of a new girl....put something in there, but not "girl". the "she" would be the play i'm talking about - kind of a fair amount of ambiguity. it will let the listener/reader think maybe there is a girl who entered the equation at the third verse, but then it becomes the chair again by mentioning 'writing.' actually, without the "new girl," it's clever. that's the only thing i'd change. welcome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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