Las Vegas Blues

I'm an on and off song writer. I can't say that I've dedicated myself to learning that part of the art at all. But, once in awhile a concept will hit me that I think is worth writing down. Please forgive the recording quality or lack of it. That's another thing I've never really put my mind to.

http://soundcloud.com/user911307114/las-vegas-blues/s-XNPJZ

LAS VEGAS BLUES

My Cadillac broke down on the highway

Ain't gonna make another trip

That old Caddy broke down on the highway

She ain't never gonna make another trip

I got a motel room in Vegas

Bout a half mile off the strip

I see the lights from the casino

Shining in the parking lot

I see the lights from the casino

Through my window shining in the parking lot

They tell me life's to short to worry

Bout the things that I ain't got

My woman takes my money

And she push it on down that slot

My woman takes all my money

And she push it on down that casino slot

Then she turns around and says honey

Why you worry bout what you no longer got

That's the Las Vegas Blues

A couple of things.

The blues is a well worn art form. Highly structured. Highly familiar. The good news is you can work on familiar themes and jsut throw a twist or two in there and get something cool going.

With that in mind, You're doing well, except there are a couple of disconnects I feel when I hear this story.

First: I don't get how the lights in the parking lot could ever tell you not to worry. Especially since your car just broke down, and you're about to lose all your money. That's incongruous.

Secondly: The woman's comment "Why you worry bout what you no longer got." is twisted bad grammatically, even for jive talk. And it doesn't sound believable. I'd expect her to say "Easy come easy go." or, "I need more money. Is that all you got?"

I disagree with the first point. Part of the reason the lights are there is to lure people into the game. However I don't think it works for the lyric to talk about the motel's parking lot. It feels like a disconnect from the fact that this guy's car broke down in the desert. The car is either still out in the desert or it's been towed to the nearest garage. So why is he talking about the parking lot?

Also, the last line of the second verse doesn't land the way it should. One thing about a blues song, particularly one like this, is that the last line of each verse acts as a sort of punchline that sums up the character's predicament.

I agree that the third verse needs work. I think it's an interesting narrative progression to go from a) a Cadillac breaking down on the highway to b) the lights of the city luring the guy to try to win enough money to fix his car and leave town to c) a woman taking him for all he's got and leaving him worse off than before. That's a damn good narrative for a blues song. It's just that for me the third verse is a big let down. It doesn't really cap the story the way it should, plus the writing is kind of sloppy.

The twisted grammar Marshal pointed out is just one problem. Another is that you're using rhymes from the second verse that were okay the first time around but aren't so fresh the second. Also, where did this woman come from, all of a sudden? I had the impression that this guy was alone, driving through the desert. Now he's got a woman using up what little money he's got left?

My Cadillac broke down on the highway

Ain't gonna make another trip

That old Caddy broke down on the highway

She ain't never gonna make another trip

My babe and me hitch-hiked to Vegas

Bout a half mile off the strip

We see the lights from the casino

sparkling brighter than a star

We see the lights from the casino

brighter than the brightest star

They tell me life's to short to worry

'bout some busted up old car.

The narrative progression from this point on would be that she gambles away all his money. But if his car is bad enough off that he can't fix it, and he has to hitch-hike into town (which, admittedly, is my addition to the story), then where does he get the money she loses for him? The only other thing he can lose at this point is the woman, probably to another man, one who's actually got some money, and probably a lot of it. So that should probably be what the last verse is about.

I think you have some good elements going for you, and the music is good. The song just needs a little clarity as to what's really going on with these characters rather than a vague sense of things.

LCK

In addition to what the other guys said, if I'm going to listen to any 2012 white man's electric blues, he needs to bring something that Muddy or the Wolf et al, didn't already do much better.

I need to be stopped in my tracks saying, "Oh - I like what he's doing there".

So ironing out the creases in the lyric is one thing, but musically I'd like it to explore some new territory.

I would agree if Strandman were something more than just a neophyte songwriter. You have to start somewhere, and this is a pretty good start for someone who hasn't written that much yet. It's a little unrealistic to expect him to outdo Muddy Waters at this stage of the game.

LCK

I wasn't suggesting that he outdo Muddy or the Wolf.

People like Mike Bloomfield (and others) started bringing something else to a black man's genre in the mid-60's, and hundreds of writers and players have built on the genre since.

I was suggesting that Strandman feel free to experiment and attract our attention with a little innovation.

He's doing it by setting his song in Las Vegas slot-machine country - maybe he can bring something of what Las Vegas represents into the supporting music.

Nice.

. . . , except with the disagree part.

Nice. . . . , except with the disagree part.

Sorry about that!

LCK

Thanks for the feedback guys. It's well taken. When I wrote the song I had been living in Vegas for about 15 years and had a number of local musician friends that I hung out with. So, I wasn't thinking of this guy so much as passing through but rather as a musician who was living the life there. Of course I didn't say that so I'm thinking I need to make that known which might help explain what I'm trying to say overall and where his woman came from rather than having her just drop in from nowhere.

My question is, do you think this should even be a Blues song at all? What "Marshall" had to say ("The blues is a well worn art form. Highly structured") got me thinking that I've been trying to write a narrative here and perhaps given the structure of 12 bar blues I might be better off to turn it into some sort of Roots Folk thing or even a "cry in your beer" Country ballad with the idea of using a format better suited to story telling.