Technique: The Gig Kahuna—No One Owes You Anything

“Too many bands and artists give up when they don’t end up with a record deal, thinking there is no other reason for them to exist. F##k that! I love playing this music, and therefore I will!”

– Nameless Local Musician

The above statement is actually one of the most intelligent things I’ve ever heard from a local musician. To maximize your chances of success, most of you will have to change your conventional way of thinking. I want you to be successful in the pursuit of your dream. But for that to happen, it might very well be necessary for me to rain on your parade, burst your bubble, give you a big smack of reality upside your head, smash through your wall of conventional wisdom, however you want to put it.

So at this time, I’d like to share a little philosophy with you. It is a condensed version of an essay that was once given to me. When you think about it, it applies to each and every one of us—regardless of our involvement in the scene, musical style, or status. But be forewarned: In this day and age of the entitlement mindset, some of you might not like reading what follows and get offended. Not that I can say I blame you—I once found it hard to swallow myself. But it is a simple truth:

No one owes you anything.

How could such a simple statement be important? It might not seem so, but understanding it can bless your entire life.

No one owes you anything.

It means that no one else is living for you, because no one is you. Each person is living for them self. Their own happiness is all they can ever personally feel. When you realize that no one owes you happiness or anything else, you’ll be freed from expecting what isn’t likely to be. It means no one has to love you. If someone loves you, it’s because there’s something special about you that gives them happiness. Find out what that something special is and try to make it stronger in you, so that you’ll be loved even more.

When people do things for you, it’s because they want to—because you, in some way, give them something meaningful that makes them want to please you, not because anyone owes you anything. No one has to like you. If your friends want to be with you, it’s not out of duty. Find out what makes others happy so they’ll want to be near you.

No one has to respect you. Some people may even be unkind to you. But once you realize that people don’t have to be good to you, and might not be good to you, you’ll learn to avoid those who would harm you—for you don’t owe them anything either.

No one owes you anything.

You owe it to yourself to be the best person possible. Because if you are, others will want to be with you, want to provide you with the things you want in exchange for what you’re giving to them. Some people will choose not to be with you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. When that happens, look elsewhere for the relationships you want. Don’t make someone else’s problem your problem.

Once you learn that you must earn the love and respect of others, you’ll never expect the impossible, and you won’t be disappointed. Others don’t have to share their property with you, nor their feelings or thoughts. If they do, it’s because you’ve earned these things. And you have every reason to be proud of the love you receive, your friends’ respect, the property you’ve earned. But don’t ever take them for granted. If you do, you could lose them. They’re not yours by right—you must always earn them.

No one owes you anything.

Realizing that one simple statement can make a world of difference in your life.

No one owes you anything.

By now, I have a good guess what some of you might be thinking: “So what does this have to do with the music scene?” Everything. At the risk of being the messenger who gets shot, and for those who don’t get it, I’ll put it a little more bluntly: Clubs do not owe it to you to book you; radio stations do not owe you airplay; labels do not owe you a record deal; media outlets do not owe you coverage; and people do not owe it to you to come to your shows.

These things only happen when you earn them. (But then again, some of these things have been known to happen to people who didn’t earn them.) This isn’t to say you necessarily have to jump through flaming hoops to make things happen. You might be surprised at what you can do with a little knowledge, a little effort, and realizing that simple truth:

No one owes you anything.

So in summary, the above philosophy might have come as a shock to some, but coming to the realization of it—just that alone—can make a world of difference in your musical endeavors, as well as your entire life.

No one owes you anything.

David Himes is the author of the book Realities for Local Bands: Talent is not Enough. You can find it at Amazon. For a FREE sneak preview, click here. The book is also available in PDF format. Also, David published a local music scene paper for over 16 years and has held over 400 live shows, giving him a unique insight on the scene. Your feedback and comments are welcome.