Craig’s List - 5 Reasons to Stop Making Music

Craig’s List - 5 Reasons to Stop Making Music

Come on...you don't need to make music anyway ...

by Craig Anderton

You’ve been a musician all your life. You love making music, and being part of the industry of human happiness. But have you ever considered why you should stop making music? There are plenty of good reasons!

1. You can still use your instruments for other purposes. For the vertically-challenged, an acoustic guitar makes a fantastic houseboat. Or take off a drum head, and voilà—the perfect kitty litter box for Fluffy! You can’t do much better than a ukulele for swatting mosquitos, and of course, pianos can be used for…um…hmmm…well, maybe not pianos.

2. Kanye West. How you can possibly hope to match the awe-inspiring artistry, talent, and ground-breaking innovation of a man whose brilliance, subtlety, and breathtaking command of his instrument transcends all that has come before? You’ll get so frustrated trying, you might as well just give up now.

3. No more groupies. Admit it: Aren’t you really burned out on all those people who offer you sexual favors, throw undergarments on stage that your poor roadies have to clean up, and insist on sticking around after providing stimulating companionship during those late-night, post-Waffle House hours? Get out of music, and you’ll never have to worry about those problems again!

4. You can turn over a new leaf, and start a more socially acceptable career—like accounting. Accountants lead exciting, cutting-edge lives as they navigate the treacherous waters of IRS regulations, bizarre and incoherent bank fees, the almost poetic qualities of accelerated depreciation, and the terrifying spectre of jammed paper in desktop calculators. The only downside: Now you’ll be surrounded by those super-hot accountant groupies. Oh well…life’s about tradeoffs.

5. Since music makes you smarter, you’ll become part of a minority. As society spirals down to where the movie “Idiocracy” is now categorized under “Documentary” instead of “Comedy,” using words with several syllables, understanding different points of view, reading, and other signs that betray intelligence will brand you as an “innaleckshal.” You’ll be red-lined from neighborhoods, your former friends will shun you, you’ll be denied credit, and you’ll find it impossible to communicate with non-musicians. Do you really want to end up like that?

______________________________________________ 

 Craig Anderton is Editorial Director of Harmony Central. He has played on, mixed, or produced over 20 major label releases (as well as mastered over a hundred tracks for various musicians), and written over a thousand articles for magazines like Guitar Player, Keyboard, Sound on Sound (UK), and Sound + Recording (Germany). He has also lectured on technology and the arts in 38 states, 10 countries, and three languages.