Members rickidoo Posted February 6, 2015 Members Share Posted February 6, 2015 This is an unpolished/unfinished draft of a children's song Trivia: Benny's Picture is shown at left. All thoughts welcome. My Best Friend Benny©2015 Rick Dieffenbach My best friend bennyEverywhere we goI wear my worn out jeansHe wears his tuxedo Driving on the highwayHe's sit'n next to meHe loves to make the motor soundsI love his company CHORUS:He's the best, friend, I ever hadHe makes, me, feel so gladHe's someone I, can depend onAnd we're 'movin along INST When we're on our journeysWe find a country parkBenny has me hold his leashHe takes me for a walk Everywhere we gopeople stop and stareLittle children know he's niceThey pet his silky hair [CHORUS] [sPOKEN]Hey there Benny, what you want to do today? [meow]You want to take a ride?Ok, where do you want to go? [meow]You want to go to the bird park?You want to what????? [meow]No... we just watch... CHORUS with extraHe's the best, friend, I ever had (...Benny friend...)He makes, me, feel so glad (I love you so...)He's someone I, can depend on (... I can depend on...)And we're 'movin alongMovin a-long Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted February 6, 2015 Members Share Posted February 6, 2015 Thats great!...I can't help make it better...enjoyed...polished up it will be really nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted February 6, 2015 Members Share Posted February 6, 2015 Very nice. But it's not a children's song... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted February 6, 2015 Author Members Share Posted February 6, 2015 because.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted February 6, 2015 Members Share Posted February 6, 2015 ... because it's a song/song. Saying it's just a children's song seems to devalue it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted February 6, 2015 Members Share Posted February 6, 2015 I agree that it's a song. It walks like a song and talks like a song.Children's songs a more clearly defined for age groups. They are lyrically and melodically simpler so they can be sing-a-longs.Your chorus is sophisticated and harmonised. So maybe develop it as a song / song. I think that's what it wants to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted February 8, 2015 Author Members Share Posted February 8, 2015 Ok, I'm convinced. So, I decided to think of this song as my Octopuses Garden. Not quite a kids song, not quite an adult song. Hopefully fun for cat lovers. I finished the orchestration off with various stuff the unfolds as the song progresses. Thank you all for your comments and suggestions., It's a better song because of those comments. Rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted February 8, 2015 Members Share Posted February 8, 2015 Hard to critique this, it's so charming, but I really wish the chorus lyrics were more...chorus-y...as is they are stock, bordering on cliche, but worst of all unmemorable. I just listened and I couldn't sing the chorus back to you. Maybe restate the title, or his name at least. My $.02. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted February 9, 2015 Author Members Share Posted February 9, 2015 The original chorus lyrics were: he's the best friend I ever hadHe keeps me from being sadHe's someone I can depend onand we're moving along ... not that much different, but captured a more realistic emotion in line 2 as against "he makes me feel so glad", which I moved to when I thought this was a kids song. The original chorus was "felt" because I have a friend who is a victim of abuse, and the the one thing that kept him/her going over the years was the relationship to his/her cat. Not that that matters in the song, but just mentioning that to say the original chorus is routed in some reality basis. The newer chorus wasn't the same. Any thoughts or suggestions? Rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted February 9, 2015 Members Share Posted February 9, 2015 "He takes me for a walk" is great. Also the reference to him always wearing his tuxedo. Agreed the chorus needs some more punch, in the form of a strong hook. What about something like? My best friend BennyMy best friend BennyHe's someone I can depend onand we're moving along Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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