Members SuperMcFly Posted December 12, 2002 Members Share Posted December 12, 2002 I jotted these down a couple nights ago. What do you think? There are a few phrases I'm not happy with...but this is a first draft. --------------- Life is passing byWhy are you staring at me?Wonder why Noble, pure, and kindThat's the man you seeThe man I'm trying to find Thru these windows of mineI can feel your eyesChill my spine Take all you want from meThen pass me byLeave me be You can take all night longNo privacySteal my soul to your ownNo sympathy Daylight peers insideThe truth is shownFear subsides I'm drifting far awayForgot all I've knownLost another day You can take all night longNo privacySteal my soul to your ownNo sympathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Deryck Posted December 12, 2002 Members Share Posted December 12, 2002 Originally posted by SuperMcFly Life is passing by Why are you staring at me? Wonder why Mhhh...that sounds good. Familiar rhyming, but makes you curious. Noble, pure, and kind That's the man you see The man I'm trying to find Kinda...unfinished. I like the last line. Thru these windows of mine I can feel your eyes Chill my spine Take all you want from me Then pass me by Leave me be The first three lines are okay. The last line is way overused. I'd work around it. You can take all night long No privacy Steal my soul to your own No sympathy That sounds really cool. Daylight peers inside The truth is shown Fear subsides I'm drifting far away Forgot all I've known Lost another day Again, I like it. All in all, I'd say that's a good song. Let me hear the finished song. What genre you're gonna put it in? Oh, and please review some of my lyrics: http://acapella.harmony-central.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=180913 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SuperMcFly Posted December 12, 2002 Author Members Share Posted December 12, 2002 Originally posted by Deryck All in all, I'd say that's a good song. Let me hear the finished song. What genre you're gonna put it in? Oh, and please review some of my lyrics: http://acapella.harmony-central.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=180913 Thanks for checking it out! I checked out your lyrics as well... I've got a tune worked out...very mellow and haunting sounding. Mainly acoustic guitar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members eraff Posted December 17, 2002 Members Share Posted December 17, 2002 I like the "sparseness" of it. It's a bit esoteric/self involved...I like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurnsradi Posted December 17, 2002 Members Share Posted December 17, 2002 I like it. Thru these windows of mine i can feel your eyes(great) You`re a girl am i right cause i can remember a thread there was a pic of you! Do you write a lot of Poetry like this? Mario Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AlwayzMisBhavin Posted December 19, 2002 Members Share Posted December 19, 2002 Originally posted by SuperMcFly I jotted these down a couple nights ago. What do you think? There are a few phrases I'm not happy with...but this is a first draft. --------------- Life is passing by Why are you staring at me? Wonder why Noble, pure, and kind That's the man you see The man I'm trying to find Thru these windows of mine I can feel your eyes Chill my spine Take all you want from me Then pass me by Leave me be You can take all night long No privacy Steal my soul to your own No sympathy Daylight peers inside The truth is shown Fear subsides I'm drifting far away Forgot all I've known Lost another day You can take all night long No privacy Steal my soul to your own No sympathy Hmmmm not bad, but.. is it the man he's trying to "find" or maybe "hide" would work too.. ??? (no privacy, etc.) Just my feeling from it. Alwayz MisBhavin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members doggy222 Posted December 19, 2002 Members Share Posted December 19, 2002 I like it...hey, very nice.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SuperMcFly Posted December 19, 2002 Author Members Share Posted December 19, 2002 Originally posted by AlwayzMisBhavin Hmmmm not bad, but.. is it the man he's trying to "find" or maybe "hide" would work too.. ??? (no privacy, etc.) Just my feeling from it. Alwayz MisBhavin Actually, I purposely used "find" because I'm stating that while this other person sees me as "noble, pure, and kind"...I myself am trying to find that inside of me. Thanks for reading! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SuperMcFly Posted December 19, 2002 Author Members Share Posted December 19, 2002 Originally posted by hurnsradi I like it. Thru these windows of mine i can feel your eyes(great) You`re a girl am i right cause i can remember a thread there was a pic of you! Do you write a lot of Poetry like this? Mario Har! I'm not really a girl. There's sort of an inside joke about that so sometimes I post a girl's pic. Sorry to let you down but thanks for reading! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurnsradi Posted December 19, 2002 Members Share Posted December 19, 2002 Godamn, and i thought you were a hottie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AlwayzMisBhavin Posted December 19, 2002 Members Share Posted December 19, 2002 Originally posted by hurnsradi Godamn, and i thought you were a hottie! I hope you all don't hold anything against us "girls". (I AM one, you know) Alwayz MisBhavin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.