Members LTC Posted February 17, 2003 Members Share Posted February 17, 2003 These are some lyrics I've been working on. The music has an upbeat, jazz/blues feel to it. I'd really appreciate any comments, criticisms, or ideas you have. Twilight v.The stars are burning brightlySliver of moon up in the skyThe warmth of this summer eveningIs glowing in your eyes ch.In the twilight, in the twilightIn the twilight, the twilight v.A breeze is blowing lightlyAnd it whispers through your hairThe beauty of your smileIs almost more than I can bear ch.In the twilight, in the twlightIn the twilight, the twilight Br.Let's ride this wave, let's dance all nightLet's paint a scene in this silver lightIt's our time baby, come fly with meWe can make this night an eternity v.Put your hand in my handLet' take this as far as it goesHold on to this moment, babyLet's ride the wind as it blows ch.In the twilight, in the twilightIn the twilight, the twilight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kingnome Posted February 17, 2003 Members Share Posted February 17, 2003 I like all the great outdoors images, but there's a couple of rhymes that seem too obvious, or simple when they're read. With the music, they probably sound alot better. I like them overall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LTC Posted February 18, 2003 Author Members Share Posted February 18, 2003 Thanks for the input. I agree that some of the rhymes are kind of simple. I'm going to listen to it again with the music and see what kinds of changes I can make. Thn=aks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members GuitarDude Posted February 21, 2003 Members Share Posted February 21, 2003 I think the lyrics are beautiful.. the chorus seems a little short though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JackSonic Posted February 28, 2003 Members Share Posted February 28, 2003 Contrary to popular belief, I don't like being "that guy" (the guy who goes against popular opinion), but, your lyrics have the feel of something jotted down in about 5 minutes by someone not particularly talented as a lyricist - they're extremely blunt and boring. There are very few Roger Waters, John Lennons and Paul McCartneys in this world. The rest of us will need to spend more time on our lyrics, let them marinate in our subconcious and then rewrite them. anyway, U2 already used that chorus on their first album. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members IHATEMUSIC Posted March 3, 2003 Members Share Posted March 3, 2003 these lyrics seem a bit obvious. they don't add much to the idea. they don't convey the idea in a particularly striking way. try to focus on unique images to help give a personal feel to what is a pretty universal feeling/notion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.