Members bulldawgu812 Posted April 11, 2003 Members Share Posted April 11, 2003 hey guys, its been a long time since ive been to the songwriting forum... but im back, so hello to everyone... i got a pretty cool song im gonna record this summer in long island at a studio where nsync recorded bye bye bye... check it out, let me know what u think of the lyrics. Seated on a throneHigh above the restI've tried my ownBut to indulge in your love is the best Beautiful, wonderfulO to taste In your merciful embraceBeautiful, wonderfulO to forsake all held dearFor one more taste so near Your robe fills this roomAnd the angels hide their faceFrom the beauty shining off youBut why is mine not hidden too? Beautiful, wonderfulO to taste In your merciful embraceBeautiful, wonderfulO to forsake all held dearFor one more taste so near O sweet honeyOn my lipsO to praise the living GodLike this I will sit in your shadeTake shelter in youbecause you are... Beautiful, wonderfulO to taste In your merciful embraceBeautiful, wonderfulO to forsake all held dearFor one more taste so near Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bulldawgu812 Posted April 11, 2003 Author Members Share Posted April 11, 2003 for those of you that dont know me, im 15, live in Texas, ive been leading worship for almost 3 years now at my church, and workin on a christian worship cd of originals... my style is sorta like shane barnard if yall know who he is... i will try to let yall get a listen when i get a decent recording of some of my songs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members posmaster Posted April 13, 2003 Members Share Posted April 13, 2003 As "trad" pop praise, pretty good. However, coming at them from a poets/songwriter background, they need some enrichment. While I understand genre, I think that some specifics about the "singer" as a character would make it a richer experience for the listener. At this moment it is unabashed lightness and joy - nice, but a touch of shadow to delineate the light is needed. Approach it like sculpture - remove the excess to reveal the core art. Here's the million dollar question you have to ask every time you put pen to page, pick up that guitar or step up to the mic. Why am I doing this? Essentially, focus on the source of the inspiration - in this case the joy and majesty of believing in God. While this is (if you have seen my lyrics up) not my genre - genre is not indicative of quality. There IS quality here, but I think a focus on the CRAFT of songwriting may be in order. Read some Gerard Manley Hopkins, or listen to someone like mid-70's Rush for tips on multi-layer writing. I know this all sounds like I dislike your lyrics - I don't! Honest! I can actually "hear" the music behind them, and that means that a significant portion of your intention is successful. But with some tightening, the intention could come through dazzlingly. Keep on keepin on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bulldawgu812 Posted April 23, 2003 Author Members Share Posted April 23, 2003 any other comments? im recording it saturday, i might be able to put it on a website or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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