New Member with New Lyrics, Please critique

Hey guys, I got some lyrics that I would like you guys to critique. Any kind of input is appreciated (Possitive Criticism, Negative Criticism, Death Threats Etc.) So here they are this one goes with a hardcore sound (hence the lack of quantity)

The Compulsion to Be

I

My favorite line:

I opened my heart and you opened my veins

classic.

I'm kinda busy right now, I'll try to get back to the rest later. But I love that line.

Thanks olddan. Thats also my favorite line, it's the first one that came to my head when I was working with the title.

There is a lot of well focused wit in your lyrics. I love it.

good stuff. Can we hear it to music?

Thanks for the compliments guys. As soon as the bassist comes back I can probably record In fluid silence on acoustic (The bassist recordes all our stuff) I should have a badly done compulsion to be within the next week cause I recorded that for my final in Guitar class

Let me say again if I haven't already, very well done. One thing that I wonder about, in the verse

The Days Have past

When we would fall a

Sleep together side by side

It reads as if Sleep is a separate entity. But to a listener it would come across as 'asleep'. Speaking of listening, I look forward to hearing them.

Yeah I know the asleep thing is F'd up but I had to write it the way I sing it so I don't try to change it around and ruin the song. It's one of the great downsides of having musical A.D.D.

I like all of them but particularly like Coldest Embrace. In reading the song I could hear a heavy power chord chorus with a screaming vocalist. Good stuff!

Thanks Mogo, I'm in the process of getting a couple acoustic recordings because we just lost our drummer (he's an asshole). They will be at www.purevolume.com/PromiseMeThis when I get them up within a week or two.

Just finished recording "In Fluid Silence" acoustic style. We got my friend christina from another band called "As The Poets Affirm" to play some cello and do some singing. I apoligize in advance for the singing on my part, I'm sick with a cold and i made a few mistakes. The cold also contributes to me sounding generally unhealthy. You can here it at http://www.purevolume.com/promisemethis

Tell me what ya think

rarely do I hear emo singing done well i.e. Modest Mouse, Death Cab for Cutie. Generally this kind of nasally stuff is annoying and ruins an otherwise good song.

I'd suggest not trying so hard to sound like acoustic green day, or whatever it is you're going for.

The cello is great, the acoustic guitar needs some serious practice before recording.

I'd suggest ditching the male vocals and getting the girl to sing full time. I realize you've got a cold (lame excuse, why would you record with a cold?) but the vocals really stink.

I think you're songwriting is great and would like to hear it with the girl singing, especially for the "screamo". I don't know what that is really, but my imagination runs wild

I recorded while sick cause there we promised to have something recorded for some folks within a couple days. That was 2 weeks before that was recorded. We lost our drummer a few weeks ago (booted him, half way thru recording another song) and were forced to record acoustic in order to keep our word. I play exclusively electric for the past 3 years, the only acoustic I have cost me $10 with very high action, thus giving some explanation for the sour notes in the intro. Thanks for your honesty cause people who know you generally try to sugar coat the truth. Hopefully I can get a copy of our other recorded song, Half of the Art (our resident net nazi wont let us post it and refuses to provide us with the site code) to show you the screamo type stuff which is unfortunately still on acoustic.

acoustic screamo? Now I'm really intrigued.