I've Got A New Song - I'm looking for opinions

Though this new one is called "You Reflect The Sun", it's kind of dark sounding. I tried to avoid rhyming too much in the lyrics. I'm into Jack Kerouac's free association approach. It

good stuff man. your influences are drawn from good sources. i heard some sonic youth in there, some cure, peter murphy maybe, among others. the majors are not looking for that style anymore though, and i think your sound may be a little to old school at times for the modern indie scene.

Thanks for taking the time to listen.

The thing is I had a major deal with RCA twenty years ago and I realize that guys (like me) in their forties don't get signed to majors anyway. So I'm content to sound a bit dated, rather than try to sound like the kids. I do what I do and I have to be true to myself.

At this point I'm happy to compose and record; to do a gig every few weeks with my band, and take the 20 or 30 people that show up at a bar to see us on a trip.

the modern indie scene does not necessarily always gear towards kids, but i completely understand what you are saying. good stuff man!

I suppose you have slightly missed your actually intended sound.

the percussions,with occassional slips of metronom,and the right hand sounding guiatr (which actually sounds like a distorted acoustic guitar ) carry the bulk and the rest is built upon them.you have put additional percussion and an electric guitar (on the right)at the beginning of the chorus to accentuate the change.the bass and the stable percussion is a bit rightwardly bent.so on.......

the depiction of what you already know could go on, but the actual point is that in every detail ? have to include a statement that goes like "but you have just skipped the actually intended tone,beat,emphasis, ....in the guiatr the percussion, the vocal......"

the fuzz,for example, does not sound the "right"choice.it does not help the dynamics, something like a continuous bee flying in agony, or an hair conditioner.I dont mean to critisize your choices , ? mean that the song sounds like a sketch of what you actually have.the only parts that are somewhat truely obedient to the song are the percussions and the distorted acoustic(whatever )on the right.the solo tone in the final section is also tragically lame.

? suppose what ? say is closely related with your old-new polemic.your song creates a sonic image of the finished actual song in my mind which you have perhaps deliberately changed.as if that is a very well known song(lets say of deep purple) and you have interpreted it with limited guitar gear.

? also have to say that ? dont like todays musical tendencies either.for me its not a matter of how original something is ,which cannot be determined just by sound or guiar tone resemblences,its a matter of how musical the total song is .? cannot blame anybody for musical repetition but everybody is to be blamed for the modern incapacity to find an original tune and some gadgets that we can still call "instrument" for their recordings.

I shoud have been a preacher.

anyway, good tune and recording but ? am sure you are giong to re-record it as soon as possible.

janusmanus I realize that it takes some time to listening and write a critique like that, I appreciate it. I always enjoy your strange poetic English, and the fact that someone in the exotic city of Istanbul is listening to my song.

Of course when I post these tunes I always hope the guys on the forum will say something like, "{censored}in' awesome, it blew me away!". So I'm a little disappointed, because I worked really hard on this tune. I guess if I post a song I have to expect people to be honest with the opinion I asked them for.

My first response to some coments is to say that I stand by my choices in the tones I chose. But I find that some of the criticism that I've received in the past on this forum sinks in. For example, on the last tune that I posted "I Woke Up Dead" someone mentioned that I tend to leave my bridges instrumental, so on this song, I decided to write a vocal/lyric line for the bridge.

On the other hand, as I'm sure you know, you have to believe in your own vision when doing this kind of stuff, otherwise you'll be paralyzed by self-consciousness.

Once again, thanks for your time.

Great. Cool sound on the riff guitar. Gives the song life. Too hard to grasp the melody for me, lacing a bit on the melody.

B.

? re-read my post and suspect that some parts,which were not intended to be taken as comment upon your song but todays music in general,could have been mistaken.

the truth is, ? liked the song.but sounded as if the recording was taken with some gear that you wouldnt probably use if you posessed the right ones.?ts total speculation, ? know.

my disbelief is probably due to your earlier songs.they were possibly less personal but the total sound (not the tones or wahtever)were much more vigorous.

you have changed your style,which is good,but you must retain whatever it was that made the recorded sound jump in the ears.

Interesting observation. On this new tune I was going for a song that I could have more fun performing live with my band.

In the last year or so I gotten into melody driven songwriting as opposed to more groove and riff oriented material. On these melodic tunes, I have a tendency to do big ambitious demo productions, like "Why Katherine Hide" or the chorus of "Fawn".

My band is a three-piece hard rock trio that plays in New York bars. I've looked for more musicians to try to create some of these grand productions in a live setting but it never seems to work out. So I'm stuck with my little power trio. I've been able to get the song "Katherine" across live. But "Fawn" just ain't flying with three guys playing and one guy singing.

So "You Reflect the Sun" is my attempt to get back to the kind of songs I was writing three years ago when I started the band (e.g. "Hex" and "Demon Haunted World"). It's a simple riff oriented rock song that hopefully I can get the crowd to groove to at joints like The {censored} Cat Lounge. Not to say that I'm trying to pander to the crowd, I genuinely enjoyed working on this tune and I just hope some other people get it.

you are lucky my friend, you have two comerades at your disposal.

I have to rely on my fck...g playing disability to show what ? have in store.

and appearently nobody in my neighberhood is searching for anything even remotely similar to what ? do.

I re-recorded the baritone and bass parts. Now it's sounds like a little less-angry bee, but still and angry bee. I kept the tragically lame solo, I like it.

I think I got the rhythm part tighter though.

And against my better judgment I offer the lyrics for anyones persusal:

Saints in alley leering from the light

Never ending swinging dance of death

I forgot what time it was

I forgot the time was love

Walk the dog and don

I liked this song and I want to comment on what someone else stated about it sounding to old school for the majors etc. the tones and recording maybe sound that way, but you could change the guitar tone and mix and it could sound more like a pop song (not that you should!)

My point is that the song is there, and thats the most important part.

I think I'm gonna stick to my guns on the latest arrangment. I'm really happy with the last mix.

Thanks for listening.

I really like the riff. I agree with someone who said the melody wasn't strong. I think the vocals are also a bit weak.

Other than that, it is dark and heavy with a great riff and a cool solo.

sorry i joined in late.

i heard it and liked it a lot. i think it has the exact sound a tune like this should have. orourke, i think this is the best i've heard you - and it's truly cool.

i liked the droney melody. it went with the riff perfectly and the change is cool. the bridge with backing vox, i thought, was great. nice, almost-dissonant solo.

i think the fuzz was perfect, too. i really liked the complete vibe of all the instruments. anything else would really alter the song. the vocal doubling/harmony works really well, too

good work, man. really.

Well that makes me breath a sigh of relief. I felt like this new one was one of coolest things I've done in a while and it kind of got a luke-warm reception. My wife like's it and she's one of my harshest critics, sometimes I'm afraid too play my stuff for her, if I ask for her opinion she's giving it too me.

Anyway, I'm glad you like it, it means something to me, thanks for listening.