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Yes, somebody else is posting a song on here...


baron85

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honestly, get off your voice. don't make excuses before a performance/song presentation.

 

my sweet delilah

i thought the vox added a hell of a lot to the song itself. it had a real cool lou barlow/j mascis/pavement/low-fi vibe to it. i think if there was a much (should i use the word?) stronger vocal track, the tune wouldn't have the appeal that it has now - and i really think it has a lot of appeal. plus, you're not going out tune very much at all. i think it added to the song.

 

the part that i think needs desperately to be worked on is the lead guitar and some of the rhythm guitar work. it gets lost at times.

 

but other than that, i felt it.

 

come on down

the tune was cool, too. i didn't like it as much as the other one.

again, the guitars were the things that took away from the track itself. it seemed the two parts were clashing at times. also, the solo lacked a bit of rhythm. the intro riff is cool/southern bluesy. the vox were a bit weaker in this song, but only on the word "down". everywhere else, it was vibing.

 

sidenote: it's obvious you're a bit self-conscious about your voice, but you should just keep singing and try and be conscious of the range your vox are comfortable in. you will soon see that your singing improves as does your sense of it.

 

i just listened to sweet delilah again: that song is great, man. i dig the melody. and it seems the vox is a better range for you - much stronger. really good job there.

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Not trying to make excuses, really. It is what it is. I'm a little self-conscious over it, I suppose, but only because I haven't really sang before this year. It's something new, and I don't quite "get it" yet, if that makes any sense. For example, I'm comfortable with guitar. I know what I'm doing for the most part and I know what I want to do. With my voice, it's a big learning process right now and I'm trying to figure it out. It's frustrating to want to hit a note, and not quite be able to do it. That happened on Come On Down.

 

As for the songs, thanks for the criticism/praise. You have been the best critic of my stuff so far.

 

A couple questions though:

On Sweet Delilah - what do you mean the rhythm guitar/lead guitar gets lost?

 

On Come On Down - I think if I had better recording equipment, and an actual band with drums/bass, etc., it would be a little more coherent. Some of the guitars need to go down a little bit in the mix (like the ones in the 2nd verse). I did the solo in one take and figured it was good enough for Myspace. I could always clean that up later.

 

Do you have any tunes up on the internet? I wouldn't mind checking them out if you do.

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sure man, my sweet delilah:

 

the rhythm guitar is hot, man. i really like it. you know, i'm listening to it here a day later, and the two guitars don't bother me as much as yesterday, but i still kinda feel like the slide fills are cutting into the melody; getting in the way of it, really. like i said in the first posting, i'm very loyal to your melody and some of the lead fills seem more arbitrary to me rather than complimentary. also, some of the sliding in the second chorus (the one around 2:30) really stepped on the 'sweet delilah' there.

 

but in general, maybe if you backed off the slide a bit during the verse, i'd feel happier. (but really, who the hell cares how happy i am!?) lol. i know the cut at the solo break is just due to poor editing equip, so i'm not really addressing that.

 

come on down:

 

i know the mix is poor, and maybe another mix would really do my ears some good, but i felt the second guitar really lacked the groove that the first guitar set up in its rhythm guitar embellishment stuff and its solo/lead stuff. the solo itself at 3:00 feels like it really leaves meter and stops grooving tremendously in its business. don't get me wrong, i think a busy bluesy solo would be cool here, but it really would have to be in the pocket for me to feel it.

 

i think at the heart of it, it's just timekeeping that's bugging me. a good drummer would improve a lot on the recorded performances. (he'd have to be brushing in sweet delilah, in my opinion, though) maybe it would throw all the other issues together nicely - you'd have to see

 

you know, it is just preference here. i'm a guitar player who - a few years back was the super-speedy jazz guy until he decided to shut the hell up a bit. in turn, i started really feeling like guitar fills at every part of the song are just too much guitar. but i know there's a whole world of players who would very willingly (and justifiably) disagree with me on that prejudice.

 

i do have to say, though, that from a song perspective, these tunes hold up, man. from the basis of songcraft, i really dig your work. good job, man.

 

hope i helped.

 

ps. no. i really don't have many tunes on the net. the only stuff i have is kinda crappy and it's just two of the many songs that didn't make it to the album i'm in the process of recording. i guess they're good enough, but i feel like they're not really a good indicator of my writing and for that, i'm not really happy with them. they did get some good feedback from others, though. check 'em out, if you want. the link's in my sig.

 

i will be posting the record as soon as it's done

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The vocal is good!

 

There are a few parts where you have trouble with enunciation, maybe, but the tone of the vocal is a great fit for the song. Especially the chorus.

 

It sounds like the lead/slide guitar is struggling to be heard over the rhythm, and is "snapping" the strings, rather than picking them. This makes it sound a little off-kilter. Mellow out on the lead/slide and you've got a great sounding song.

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Originally posted by Chicken Monkey

The vocal is good!


There are a few parts where you have trouble with enunciation, maybe, but the tone of the vocal is a great fit for the song. Especially the chorus.


It sounds like the lead/slide guitar is struggling to be heard over the rhythm, and is "snapping" the strings, rather than picking them. This makes it sound a little off-kilter. Mellow out on the lead/slide and you've got a great sounding song.

 

 

i'm with this guy, man.

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Originally posted by bluesway


i know the mix is poor, and maybe another mix would really do my ears some good, but i felt the second guitar really lacked the groove that the first guitar set up in its rhythm guitar embellishment stuff and its solo/lead stuff. the solo itself at 3:00 feels like it really leaves meter and stops grooving tremendously in its business. don't get me wrong, i think a busy bluesy solo would be cool here, but it really would have to be in the pocket for me to feel it.


i think at the heart of it, it's just timekeeping that's bugging me. a good drummer would improve a lot on the recorded performances. (he'd have to be brushing in sweet delilah, in my opinion, though) maybe it would throw all the other issues together nicely - you'd have to see


you know, it is just preference here. i'm a guitar player who - a few years back was the super-speedy jazz guy until he decided to shut the hell up a bit. in turn, i started really feeling like guitar fills at every part of the song are just too much guitar. but i know there's a whole world of players who would very willingly (and justifiably) disagree with me on that prejudice.


i do have to say, though, that from a song perspective, these tunes hold up, man. from the basis of songcraft, i really dig your work. good job, man.


hope i helped.


ps. no. i really don't have many tunes on the net. the only stuff i have is kinda crappy and it's just two of the many songs that didn't make it to the album i'm in the process of recording. i guess they're good enough, but i feel like they're not really a good indicator of my writing and for that, i'm not really happy with them. they did get some good feedback from others, though. check 'em out, if you want. the link's in my sig.


i will be posting the record as soon as it's done

 

 

You did help. A lot. And thanks. I'm going to really try to put a band together around here after this summer (I would this summer, but I'll be away the whole time). I agree, having a drummer is much easier, plus, it's very difficult to record with the equipment I have. It's kind of pathetic, actually. If you saw what I was working with, you'd have a good laugh. I use an old computer mic and plug it straight into the computer into an editing program that I still haven't figured out who to use efficiently yet (although I'm learning). I also have no headphones, so when my amp is loud, I tend to lose the beat b/c I can't hear it. Normally, I usually have a fairly good sense of rhythm and timing, but I actually have less of it when recording.

 

About the overuse-of-fills, I agree, although sometimes I can't help myself.

 

I just listened to your songs. They're good, but it seems to me that you have better songs already written. Not to take away from these two, because both were solid, but I think you can (and most likely have) written better songs. I like them though. You remind me of someone I can't quite place. The lyrics in the first song were pretty good, btw. No one around here ever remarks upon lyrics, though. It is a music forum, I guess. I'd love to hear your album.

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thanks, bro. i'll keep you posted. return the favor; i'm into what you're doing, so post as soon as you have something new.

 

ps - my first recording setup was two minicassette recorders from radio shack. i would record one track, play it and play over it into the other and keep going until the vocal track. all the other tracks would sound like {censored} except for the final vocal take! it was funny. i could probably clean those old recordings up a bit with soundsoap, huh? (just dawned on me - something to think about)

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I like your singing and songs.

 

First song: Great song and singing. The slide guitar really adds a nice touch; the song wouldn't be the same without it.

I think it would help the song if you made it a bit shorter. Near the end it gets a bit repetitive with the singing the same thing over.

 

Second song: I like it too. What I don't like is the distorted guitar sound, but then again, I don't like any distorted guitars, ever. What would make this song better is if you changed the chorus so you don't sing so high. I don't think it sounds good when guys sing so high, natural voice sounds better to me.

 

Overall, I think you have a good sound and good influences, from blues and country and good ol' rock music.

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Thanks, Spliffy. Appreciate the comments. For the second song, I've found I can sing it better if I tune my guitar down a half step. It's funny, most guitarists do that because it makes the guitar "easier" to play, but I do it b/c it's easier to sing.

 

So you don't like ANY distorted guitar at all? None?

 

Thanks, again, man.

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I like it. Your voice occassionally has a Bolan-esque quiver, and I'm a sucker for very non-biblical retellings of biblical stories. I like "My Sweet Delilah" more, but "Come On Down" is good, too. Though I think, in terms of execution, both could deal with a little more cohesiveness (such as the guitar-clutter that someone else mentioned)... not necessarily getting rid of those parts, but making them a little more deliberate.

 

But overall, Bolan-ness and non-religious bible-ness and all around goodness = !!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

And you actually like Third Eye Blind?! Yay!!! (no one gives them the credit they deserve, so...)

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You are the first person to recognize the biblical aspect of that song. And I, too, am a big fan of the non-biblical bible stories.

 

God said to Abraham, "Kill me a son," Abe says, "Man, you must be puttin' me on" . . .

 

or

 

Now I've heard that there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music, do you?...

 

And Third Eye Blind's first album is one of the best albums of the nineties. God of Wine is one of my favorite songs, too.

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Originally posted by baron85

You are the first person to recognize the biblical aspect of that song. And I, too, am a big fan of the non-biblical bible stories. etc...

 

:D

 

I'm so smart!

 

And yeah, that's a great Dylan song. He's always been a master at revising stories to fit a new perspective (sidenote: I just learned that "Simple Twist of Fate" is based on the Anton Chekhov story "The Lady with a Dog"... which makes a lot of sense, and explains why I love both so much). "Hallelujah" is aight, too.

 

Have you heard Regina Spektor's "Samson"?

 

Samson went back to bed, not much hair left on his head/Ate a slice of Wonder Bread and went right back to bed... I cut his hair myself one night with a pair of dull scissors in the yellow light/And he told me I had done alright and he kissed me till the morning light...

 

Your song actually kinda seemed to me as the Samson side to that song.

 

Anyway... yeah, I like your music.

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I just listened to Sweet Deliha twice it's an awesome tune. Totally my style, I even like the vox.

 

I'm a big Ryan Adams fan.

 

 

lead work totaly different and quirky.

 

I rarely comment on others work, but this was cool.

 

I'm listening to Come On Down right now, that a lot of verb on the vox, but also kinda cool and different, and different is good, although it's a strange mix.

 

me like

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Originally posted by baron85

Thanks, again. What's your favorite Chekhov story? Mine is Peasants.

 

"Peasants" is wonderful.

 

My favorite is probably actually, uncreatively enough, "The Lady with the Dog". I love stories where tons of lines get crossed and nothing actually happens but that nothingness seems to mean the world to the characters (Chekhov was always good at that).

 

I also really like "About Love". And what's that one with the girl named Olenka? "The Darling"? I think that's it.

 

Yeah... late response. Sorry. Finally doing my rounds on the board!

 

Did I mention I really love your songs? ;)

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This is directed toward delle-rose, but anyway can answer . . .

 

Once again, thanks. I do have a question though, and it was brought about in part by the talent/practice/drive thread - do you think that these songs are good enough or show a potential to be good enough to be more than just a hobby? I've been thinking about this for some while and I realize that I'm just not impartial enough to make the right call. I've been told by my brother that I am good enough, and this is someone that just a year ago told me that he hated my voice. He's honest.

 

Btw, can't remember which one had Olenka in it. It's been about a year or so since I read through Chekhov, so I probably need to refresh myself on him. What are you reading right now? I just finished All the King's Men by Robert Penn Warren (great book) and I'm just starting Hell's Angels by Hunter S. Thompson (so far, so good).

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