felt like rocking a bit - check my new tune out

if you have the chance, listen to this. i recorded a new tune after having hung out with rockers all last week. let me know what you think. (YES.....i want opinions)

i keep feeling like it had to be as long as it is - works for the feel. i could be wrong, though.

i played all the stuff, recorded all by my lonesome.....blah blah...i'm sure you all know how i record by now.

ps-forgive the butt-rock guitar solo at the break - i couldn't help it

pps-i tried singing like chris cornell at the end - almost puked.....rockin

here's the link:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=488094

since no one has commented so far-

musically this is pretty much my alley, more so than any of your other songs, and naturally my favorite of the four (i did like "Basta" a lot, didn't feel "Wise" so much, i thought "Gone" was fine but a bit out of my usual range). i like the accoustic guitar / the main body of the song (cool riff), and the song structure seems subtle & natural but well-thoughtout nonetheless - that's what i try to achieve when i write music.

don't worry about the solo, it sounds cool - any solo done by a guitarist that is overtly self-conscious about the inherent wankiness of it, is bound to be good because he/she is much more critical than a run-on-a-mill shredder.

i think it's mixed pretty good as it is. here are a few things i might "try" to see what happens;

1. i'd make the la la la vocal wetter or give it a different texture than the lead vocal.

2. on the second solo (right before the screaming begins), i might make the drums a bit busier so that it'll be in-sync with the fast phrasing of the guitar.

3. i like the electric guitar panned to the left, but at times the mix sound "left heavy" because of that. i might pan one of the other components slightly on the right. i wouldn't overdo it though, great (memorable, exciting) mixes are always a bit off balance.

4. i'd either trim or redo a portion of screaming part (haha). well, seriously i think the idea's cool, it's just not quite naturally blending yet. the song has the capacity to incorporate a lot of heat and heaviness (just like that "hardrock guitar" sits quite well in the mix). maybe it's a matter of tweaking the EQ and reverb / compression. honestly i can't quite suggest any solutions off the bat.

btw, that main guitar riff reminded me of this guy; he contacted me via local craig's list some months ago. the collab between us didn't happen but i think he's very talented, he's actually nuttier than me when it comes to choices of notes - you might enjoy his music.

http://www.longhopeknife.com/

The mix, performance, etc. is good. The lyrics are hard to make out, which is purely a matter of taste--I like to hear what I'm listening to, some don't.

It doesn't sound to me (at the beginning at least) that you've committed to the genre in terms of your vocal--it still has a bit of a swingy feel to it, as can be heard in your songs in other categories.

I'd polish up the title phrase--it blends right in with the verse until the end--I didn't even notice it going by. The lalalala part is a good hook, but not very radio-friendly: "Can you play me that lala song?" (Ashlee Simpson just had a LaLa song out, didn't she? I'd hate to confuse the public). It may juse be that the backing track is too similar, and a adding/dropping a particular texture will draw a little attention to your title.

As I said, I can't really make out your lyrics, which is not to my taste, but I was able to hear enough to be interested in the story. That's always good.

Verse:

Vocals too low in the mix

Snare too high in the mix

Chorus:

I'm wishing for a harmonic change in the chorus. Maybe hold off on the electric/flange guitar from the verse, and just have it come in over the chorus.

Coda:

I agree that there should be a more significant change in the drum pattern to support the rhythm of the solo and to differentiate the coda from the rest of the song.

Structure:

What is the relationship between the acoustic guitar and the electric guitar? It seems like the acoustic/flange guitar is about walking towards the edge of the cliff, and the electric/distortion guitar is about jumping over the cliff. Maybe I am oversimplifiying, but the song is about going off the edge - and the point of going off the edge is that you can't come back. Given the duality implicit in the theme, how can the song structure bring the verse/acoustic/flange guitar part back again and again.

I would cut the last two verses and make the break/Chris Cornell parts contiguous all the way to the end of the song. I don't think the solo is wanky (well it is, but wanky guitar solos are crucial to the heavy ballad genre - I'm thinking of G n' R November Rain here); it has to carry the whole second half of the song

(what does it feel like to jump off the cliff - incredible freedom, alone on the wind, the gravel of the cliff flying by, the blue of the ocean rushing up, sunlight glinting off the water, the knowledge that you have left everything behind, that you are about to be transformed, irretrievably, the first glimpse of the beyond), and so I think it should be louder, and if possible, even more distorted.

Don't get me wrong, it's a good piece of work (+1 for the mix, performance, etc) and I enjoyed listening to it.

Cheers,

__________________

Ram Sadasiv

http://www.myspace.com/DanceMusicForGrownups

http://www.soundclick.com/DanceMusicForGrownups

BTW - Bluesway, your soundclick profile says you are from carolina, RI. Is that true? I am heading to RI for a visit next week.

see? this is what you get when you provide opinions for others in this forum: when you post a tune, you get intelligent and well-thought-out responses from the more profound thinkers in the forum. (not exclusively, of course, but the three who commented definitely fit that category) thank you three for that. it's so appreciated.

yeah, i'm obviously far out of my songwriting comfort zone and, as a result, a lot less sure of presentation and performance.

and BTW, chicken, the lyrics absolutely weren't supposed to be hard to make out...i'm just a {censored}ty mixer at this point. i'm going to try again with a whole new approach after the summer.

rsadasiv - nice read and interpretation (especially in the dynamic that's supposed to correspond to the plot) ps-no, man. my mailing address is carolina, puerto rico...it's just that some internet sites don't included PR as a state and still require a state to be entered, so i just pick whatever i feel like that day! (but i'm from NY/NJ originally.....and RI is a kick-ass new england state to hang in. you'll dig it.......newport mansions and {censored})

albert - thanks for the time, man. i checked out that guy's site. he's out as hell, man. i felt a lot of it. it's cool that a tune i wrote brought out a correlation for someone to this music.

Seriously man, I can tell you've got some mad chops. I don't know what you're talking about cause that solo at the end kicked ass. It's good to know there are still some lead guitarists that can play! Also, the vocals at the end, I though sounded great and made the song go a completely different direction than were I originally felt it going. The main part of the song was a little mellow for my taste but I can appreciate it as a good song. keep up the good work and see if you can't turn out another rocker!

thanks for the support, man! i was pretty big into that eric jonhson guy when i was a teen and i worked at it alot, so i put some chops together, but they're almost all gone now, so it feels good to hear someone say i can still rip it a bit (even though that's not the direction i'm headed in anymore!) i think i'm going to do a few rock songs just for {censored}s and giggles when i get back home (i'm off for a month - see all you in august)

have a nice one - i'm taking a week vacation next week as well.

Reminds me somehow of something by Our Lady Peace. Really great song. Thanks.

I don't like the way the drums sound. The snare is just too thin and dry for my tastes. I think the sound of the drums just makes the playing of same just sound like noisy clatter to me.

And you CAN go over the edge and come back again! I do it all the time!

I'm normally an acoustic forum guy, so I'm new here and going thru and listening/posting. Hope to get my stuff listened to also. So far I really like the vibe here.

Wearing my "Joe anybody" hat. It works. Sounds and feels very DMB. The only thing that I wished for was thicker/multitracked vocals for the chorus and other junctures.

Wearing my "guitar player's" hat, I'm envious. I admire that style.

Song writers hat: Do you ever sit and perform these songs with other players? That is a very simple way to see a song grow.