Untitled song as of yet, input would be greatly appreciated!

Hi, I'm 16, and I just started up a metalcore group with a few guys from school. I started writing songs right away, and this was the first one that got finished. I was sort of trying to go for an Every Time I Die-ish structure with it.

Here it is:

So drink to unmet expectations.

Dissapointed by youthful neglect, there's not a goddamn thing you can do!

Define the purpose, sir. Why run harder when the race takes place in a cage?

The system is in need of overhaul.

Can't complain cause they won't respond to my letters.

So why do I try in the face of apathy?

Mistook the tail lights of a luxury car for the fires of inspiration,

This {censored} will not fly.

Signs of hope curiously found in the places you'd least expect them.

But the useless agenda.

The {censored}ing useless agenda!

Routine is routinely destructive.

The things you hold closest are usually strategically placed there,

so don't hold me responsible for the indiscernible line you can't seem to cross back over.

They should have called this the Red Letter Affair.

They should have called this the Red Letter Affair.

I guess it's pretty much about general apathy among kids my age, and also the ineffectiveness of our current education system, and how its sort of lacking in ways to motivate us. The "Red Letter Affair" line isn't meant to refer to the historical event, but it was just sort of a pun calling back the idea I tried to imply of a kid talking to a teacher about not having his work done at the beginning of the song. So by Red Letter Affair it would mean a literal red letter, as in an "F" that the teacher would put on his assigment. Just to clear up any confusion about the meanings, lol.

So yeah, anything anyone has to say about it would be really appreciated, be it compliments or brutal criticisms. I'm open to anything.

Of course, the fact that these lyrics are intended to go into a metalcore context helps explain the free verse feel of the lyrics on the page. I suspect that, delivered, they have more meter and structure than appears from the printed page (er, rendered screen).

One of my two favorite lines, for sure, is the one about " Mistook the tail lights of a luxury car for the fires of inspiration..."

Maybe I just like the high calorie stuff -- but that line came alive for me. Also, don't know why but I really like the part about the useless agenda... it has such an exasperated, real conversation feel.

Another really good line is "The things you hold closest are usually strategically placed there..."

I don't know if that's a reference to "fig leaves" in general but that's how I took it... and in that context I think it's got a great resonance... I can see the naked man or woman clutching their prized posessions (or perhaps precepts) against themselves trying to cover their nakedness. Now that's a powerful image.

thanks a lot for going into the song so deeply man!

I like this a lot... it reminds me of something The Refused would right.

I really enjoyed how the lyrics worked togethor as a whole but without your explanation I would have no idea what the song was about.

I'm curious as to how you'll merge these lyrics in with the music you write. I think it's almost too strong lyrically to be metalcore, aside from the cursing, which can (and in my opinion 99% of the time should) be replaced, it can fit into other genres nicely and I think it might even do better there, but I'll have to hear it with music to make that judgment better.

Yeah, I'll be sure to post the actual track when it's done. Thanks for the kind words so far, everyone.