Members Heckxx Posted September 2, 2008 Members Share Posted September 2, 2008 I just finished a near flawless rough of another song, this one is called "Night". I would like any sort of feedback, either on the song or just on the lyrics themselves. Here's a link: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=865055&songID=6857603 Lyrics below: The sun slowly fadesThe night settles inIt's amazing, the force of all thisThis emptinessThe young souls will wakeThe broken floors will shakeThey speak of stories, I've heard beforeOf love and hate But I failTo let you goInto the nightAnd I holdOnto your glowAnd face my pride The sun rises and breaks their heartsAll the chaos stays in the darkThe fools march in to early jobsLike nothing happened at all This heavy drink(All this ice)Speaks not to me(All this fire)I want it clean... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ProgRock11 Posted September 2, 2008 Members Share Posted September 2, 2008 This may be a bit nitpicky, but I don't like the chugged and muted riff that runs in the chorus. It sounds cool in the verse, but that same muted sound in the chorus might be over doing it. I'd just strum that part normally, ya know? Just personal taste I suppose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted September 2, 2008 Members Share Posted September 2, 2008 I like the image of the protagonist drinking his way through the night, thinking of his lost love, even as the sun has risen and others have gone off to their daily lives. The last verse seems like it shouldn't work -- it looks too specific and too mundane... but as one peels it apart, it actually has a nice resonance... as though he's rejecting the balance of ice and fire and simply welcoming the fire, more nescience, more forgetting... burn the memories with the whisky or (whatever he's drinking). And it kind of brings things together and gives one a parting image that helps unify and inform the song. I'm not an alt-rock guy (although I guess I thought of myself that way 20 years ago) but I think the instrumentation and sound on this are mostly really good. If I was going to tinker anything in the musical mix, I think I might experiment with just a touch less brightness in the guitars. But that may be a judgment call. I will say that the vocal FX (which I think included lots of compression as well as some tuning) combined with the vocal delivery itself made some phrases a little hard to make out. Beginnings of phrases and some consonants and dipthongs seemed indistinct at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 3rd_harmonic Posted September 2, 2008 Members Share Posted September 2, 2008 It's amazing, the force of all this I was expecting -hoping - that this syntax and structure would be found in subsequent verses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michael Blue Posted September 2, 2008 Members Share Posted September 2, 2008 Jeff, I gotta say man...When's this CD gonna be ready? I'm dying to buy one! The only thing I'd even consider changing would be the muted part in the chorus, if it's a bit abrupt for some people, try unmuting every other strum or something...I like it as is, but it may be less abrupt that way. Gorgeous song, as always! Ballads are always tough to write, but you have a real knack for catchy, musical progressions. I love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members eeglug Posted September 3, 2008 Members Share Posted September 3, 2008 Pretty good alt-rock type song. I really like the bridge section after the second chorus. (I'd consider using a de-esser on those vocals...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cripes Posted September 3, 2008 Members Share Posted September 3, 2008 Great instrumental work juxtaposed against a lyric meter and/or power that seemed in some way to reign in that instrumental. Overall I really liked the lyric message (great point 3rd_harmonic) but there's a balance of power needing attention. This is a song that puts me way over the speed limit. Great cruiser. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dee_Eff Posted September 3, 2008 Members Share Posted September 3, 2008 I think the guitars in the chorus sound fine as they are. I wouldn't change them. Nice song Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Heckxx Posted September 4, 2008 Author Members Share Posted September 4, 2008 Thanks for the comments everyone. 3rd Harmonic, thanks alot for noticing that, I was struggling with some of the lines in the 2nd verse and I think I now know how to fix it. I've been working a little slow, but I should get another song done this weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ido1957 Posted September 4, 2008 Members Share Posted September 4, 2008 I find the first verse has a dragging feeling to it (opposite of rush). I keep wanting you to speed up the vocals - of course you'd probably need more words to do that. The chorus has a bit of the same drag but not so much. The second verse doesn't. It might just be that the music and percussion don't suit the singing. Great voice, playing, overall its pretty good.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Heckxx Posted September 5, 2008 Author Members Share Posted September 5, 2008 Thanks ido...yeah I know what you mean. I actually though of having sort of an "echo" vocal line in the verse to fill up the dead space. But I didn't have that vocal recording finalized, so I omitted it from that mix. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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