The Love (any feedback is appreciated)

The Love

summer falls in the eastern city

I saw your eyes and they told me that you came

from the cave

but I'm a lier and a thief

I'll steal your heart and tell you that I care

for you, dear

chords and words are cheap and pretty

you're so young, and think this is the love

that they write of

but when you get this letter I'll be

riding down the open highway

you won't ever see my face again

Is this the love

that they've been writing of

is this the love

That they've been writing of

Dead leaves crushed on the cobblestones

and sitting in folds of your long hair

your hands in prayer

but you don't ask for love my lady

you just whisper cold and empty swears

through shining tears

chords and words are cheap and petty

you're so young, and think they're worth a damn

I envy that

but when you got that letter did you

feel that something changed inside you

every word that I spoke turned to {censored}.

Is this the love

that they've been writing of

is this the love

That they've been writing of

I

felt

like you

once

now

my heart

is full

of nothingness

This one has me won'drin'.

I like you're opening line...summer falls in the eastern city...then I start to get confused...not with the ultimate message. That'un's pretty well-worn.

Guy, once a cock-eyed optimist, ages with bitterness, takes advantage of young lady, a cock-eyed optimist, and thus, teaches her the harsh reality of life.

But how you got there lyrically throws me. As far as the simple rules of lyric writing (applicable, as far as I know, only to those who already have a tune), the rhyme scheme is inconsistent. Several words LOOK like rhymes, but since singing is an aural deal, that won't help.

Lastly, one of your repeating lines, "chords and words are cheap and petty"...Uh-oh. Is the second use, PETTY, meant to replace "pretty?"

Anyway, I found it ironic that he says he is writing a letter, which should be understood, which is a case of using words, but in the case of the letter, not pretty at all. Perhaps that is what you intended. (BTW, typo on "liar.")

Almost forgot...is this 2 different letters? (He says "but when you got that letter did you")

that letter did you") The first verse is past tense up to the 4th segment which takes us to him writing the letter in the present. The second verse is a reflection of her actions after the first verse from quite some time later on in the future, which is why the letter is past tense the second time.

Thanks for the questions

Well, NOW I know WHY I was corn-fus-ed!

Palimino covered all the bases I wanted to touch upon. I'll wait to hear this put to music to comment further....