My Empathy

"My Empathy" is the song on the top

Chase away the cold my love

You were like a sacred drug

Did you ever realize?

That it's me you hypnotize

Look at my eyes, what do you see?

My World for you, my empathy

Look at my eyes, what do you see?

My world for you, my empathy yeah

Did you ever think me wrong?

Never trusting in my song

Elevate my doubt and fear

Medicate me now my dear

Break

Look at my eyes, what do you see?

My World for you, my empathy

Look at my eyes, what do you see?

My world for you, my empathy yeah

What about this one?

"Did you ever realize?

That it's me you hypnotize"

is awful. The rest of the lyric is ok. The vocal melody and phrasing need a lot of work. The noisy guitars are good. The voiceover is kind of interesting but gets old pretty fast - once on the left, once on the right and then move on to something else.

What about the melody and phrasing would you suggest? I know you can't lay out a melody in text.... but what exactly is it?

Is it more a problem with the vocals or the actual melody?

I guess it's more a problem with the vocals. They are kind of pitchy, and they don't always hit the rhythm right on. I was trying to find something similar to illustrate but I think Nirvana is a little poppier than you are going for. I'll keep looking.

A quick search hasn't turned up anything more apropos, so let's go with "Serve the Servants". The chorus melody is a pretty much a monotone, but the verse melody covers a full octave, has descending and ascending lines, and has syllables grouped in triplets ("teen age angst" "paid off well" "now I'm bored" etc.) The rhythmic patterns are repeated almost identically from line to line, so that gets a little groove going against the backing track.

I have to agree with Ram somewhat, the vocals are a little pitchy in places and seem to conflict the guitar I'm not sure just how to explain it.

However I do like like the lyrics as they are. You're telling the story in a easy to understand way that conveys the thought and emotion to the listener.

It may just be me, but I think that the vocals are a bit too high in the mix. Everything else seemed to be way too quiet, I think.

Also, I think that your voice in the chorus would benefit if it was a bit higher. I think the pitch that it's at sort of makes it seem like you're talking instead of singing.

Overall though, not a bad tune. I've always liked grungy sort of pop rock.

Ok, the left right thing seems cheesy, the way it jumps out too much even on my lousy speakers here at work.

The song is simple, harsh, that part is good.

The voice is alright for it, methinks but you should make it more cocky/confident. Like the guy from INXS (the dead one). The "yeah" part is a good start on this, the way and attitude of it.

I don't know that I'd call it "pop/rock". Maybe "hard rock". Whatever they call Ozzy. Not quite metal but not quite rock.

This song could be carried by the vocal as is, just make it more, you know, in your face.

The music itself as a vehicle, it's ok. Maybe could use some musical hooks every now and again to keep a listener rewarded for following.

Instead of the outside sounding voiceover, maybe make that a scream or chorus (as in multiple singers in harmony) or something.

Just an opinion.