knowing which way to run

simple recording, guitar and vocal... song written today 3.18.09..about an hour ago

original

http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=7436957&q=hi

updated

http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/1350052

original

knowing which way to run

or what to run to

staring into the sun

or am i staring at you

holding onto a dream

like holding onto the past

sometimes i just want to scream

heave ho and rasie up the mast

some happy day

we'll all find a better way

some happy day

we'll know the truth

updated

knowing which way to

run or what to run to

i'm torn by what i believe and what i've been taught is true

some happy day we'll all find a better way

some happy day i think we'll all be there

some happy day we'll find a better way

some happy day i hope we'll all be there

knowing which way to run

or what to run to

i'm torn by what i believe

and what i've been taught is true

tradition shadows my past

so hard for me to let go

and run to what i believe

while everyone screams don't go

some happy day

we'll all find a better way

some happy day

i think we'll all be there

some happy day

we'll find a better way

some happy day

i hope we'll all be there

i pray we'll all be there

knowing which way to run

or what to run to

A simple little song, to be sure. The individual phrases are mostly kind of-to-quite familiar, but mostly hold together well. If I could make only one change, it would be the "heave ho and raise up the mast" line. All the other lines are elemental, you know, dream, sun, run, scream... they're universals. But then, right at the end of the verse, you jump to a nautical metaphor, which calls attention to itself and is, therefore, a distraction.

So, it seems to me, for the song to be true to itself (as it is mostly constituted), you might consider losing that line.

With regard to the familiarity of the lyrical elements... While I always enjoy novelty and a fresh approach, I think sometimes that a song, maybe especially a simple song, can transcend a reliance on familiar phrases or ideas. But it's a crap shoot... you have to approach the song with what appears utter sincerity and unity of vision. And the "mast" line does seem to get in the way of that.

Now... once you're wrestled with that, I'd like to informally suggest an exercise to help stretch your horizons. (And I might try this myself with one of my own songs.)

Take this song -- the ideas behind this song -- and find a new way to write it that uses all different phrases, exploring different language and ways of approaching what you want to say; and for exercise, do it with an eye to avoiding well-worn ideas like staring into the sun (I know it's well worn 'cause I used it in a few of my own ), holding onto dreams, knowing where to run, and so forth. (All of those ideas/phrases have been used in great songs, mind you, but when there are a bunch of familiar phrases that stack up in one song, it can become too predictable or invite listener cynicism.)

This will likely be much harder than it sounds but I suspect that it will be a good creative exercise that will not just limber up your lyrical athleticism, but will likely reveal some interesting things about the heart of the song and the ideas beneath the words.

hey blue, that is good feedback...very thoughtful, and insightful. i agree with your comment on the heave ho line.. i'm not comfortable with it either...but i needed to hear it from someone else. thank you !

on the exploration ..exercise suggestion.. i think i've been there with this topic... this simple little tune is my response to several gut wrenching works of prose i wrote first.

Heh... you're excused from the assignment, in that case.

If it makes you feel any better, wrenching-writing-wise, I'm bogged down about 2/3 of the way through what was supposed to be an instant/timely current events song called, "Bristol, Don't Go"... inspired, of course, by the ongoing Wasilla Hillbillies family drama... I should have done a LiLo song instead, I'm guessing. That would have probably written itself...

revision...blues words ringing true...

knowing which way to run

or what to run to

i'm torn by what i believe

and what i've been taught is true

tradition shadows my past

its hard for me to let go

and run to where i believe

while everyone screams don't go

some happy day

let's hope he shows us all a better way

some happy day

i think we'll all be there

after reading the lyrics over and over and taking a couple of listens, as is needed, i think this is a great little song. mainly, it's optimistic and seems to shed the distractions that tangle so many people up. not sure we'll all be there, but who are we to say? overall, it's a goodun...like the ending....way to be..pg

here is a redo of the song with updated lyrics.. i think it's better. thanks to blue for the great feedback that helped me make this a better song.

http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/1350052

knowing which way to

run or what to run to

i'm torn by what i believe and what i've been taught is true

some happy day we'll all find a better way

some happy day i think we'll all be there

some happy day we'll find a better way

some happy day i hope we'll all be there

knowing which way to run

or what to run to

i'm torn by what i believe

and what i've been taught is true

tradition shadows my past

so hard for me to let go

and run to what i believe

while everyone screams don't go

some happy day

we'll all find a better way

some happy day

i think we'll all be there

some happy day

we'll find a better way

some happy day

i hope we'll all be there

i pray we'll all be there

knowing which way to run

or what to run to

It depends on what kind of tone you're going for. Sure, you can start every story with a description or with dialogue, but you run the risk of creating just another story. First, figure out which category your story falls into: Romance, Humor, Anecdote, Horror/Thriller, Action/Adventure, Drama, Tragedy, Mystery/Crime, Memoir, Parody/Satire, Fable/Fairy Tale.

From here, you can tailor your opening to fit your story better.

Romance (serious stories; if you are making fun of pre-teen crushes, for example, see Parody/Satire or Humor)

--Probably the best way to start this would be to describe the person your main character (MC) is in love with through the MC's eyes, possibly contrasting with reality. (ie: "I've searched far and wide, only to realize Jamie has the most crystal-clear, ocean-blue eyes in the world.")

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